Metformin

I have been thinking about this post for a few days now and what I want to say so I am glad to finally get it down and out my brain.

Firstly, SORRY. I have been vacant for a while. Not on purpose, life has just been busy and I have been suffering on and off with bad head aches, tiredness all as a result of being back on good old metformin. I dont know if its playing with my sugar levels or what, but every few weeks I get raging headaches where my head just feels tight. Its so weird. And no, I haven’t been back to the GP.

Second to that, my anxiety has started to reappear, not continuously but just every so often. I noticed it when we were cleaning the guttering, of all things, my heart was just racing and even made Matt check my heartbeat to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

Now I am laid in bed writing the first edit as I cant sleep, but I cant sleep because I think my body is displaying anxiety in a different way to what I am used to. It feels like there are a million tiny people running all over my chest and down my arms, like they are making my blood run faster and my lungs work harder. Its a really strange sensation, almost like its making me too alert to sleep.

Wow…..that’s dramatic!

So for anyone that has anxiety people will say to you what are you worried about, whats stressing you out. I know because I am guilty of doing that to others. But 99.9% of the time that person cant tell you because they wont know themselves. Right now, I dont what is going on and yet I still try to rationalize it to something. In reality its just my bodies way of dealing with things that I close off and try to forget about.

So, I have gone a little bit off topic. When I planned this post it was meant to be about PCOS not anxiety. However. My gynecologist did say that anxiety comes hand in hand with PCOS and its not surprising given all the visible signs we have to combat. So I know this is part of my condition and I know this is mild and no where near as bad as what it could be. 

Lets spend some time talking about metformin. I have taken this drung twice now within the past year and both times had different but similar side effects & both times I haven’t believed it to be working. Which when your feeling rubbish is a really hard pill to swallow (pardon the pun!). So what is happening this time round? Lack of appetite – that is a big one (and a horrible one!), headaches – bad ones – to the point where I feel my skull is putting pressure on my braid. That then leads to tiredness, when I have headaches like that I just want to lay and not do anything.

The worst thing about all of this is that I know  that I still need to persevere. YES, the hair is still there, the hormones and just everything is the same. My body is changing, whether its the gym or the little weight loss I have made, I’m not sure but I feel a bit happier in my body – although I dont think I will ever be “normal”, whatever that is!

Sorry this isn’t a fantastic post….but wanted all my fellow PCOS fighters to know that I am still here on this journey….

Keep Smiling!

Emma x

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Body Image!

Recently matt an I have found ourselves watching music channels and listening to music we grew up listening to…..dont get me wrong it can be very varied.

But tonight I was sat watching the Janet Jackson all for you video tonight thinking christ….she is thin there! Then I tried to remember back to when I first saw the video and I cant recall thinking anything about her weight, just how much I loved the track. Then we had a bit of the spice girls and the same thing happened…..

Favourite Janet Jackson Song

I am really struggling to comprehend how and when my brian got turned to mush and my first thought when listening to music has gone from thinking about the music to thinking about how thay person or group looks?! 

Why is that acceptable? Who cares how small or big someone is if they have a talent so great they have managed to rack up number one singles and albums or even smashing box office records?! 

I tell you where it came from. The media. It feeds us all postive and negative crap everyday. On one page it will be telling us to embrace our natural physiche and in the other it will be a pictures of up and coming trends NONE of which are regular sized women all smaller framed ladies. Then they have the audacity to praise companies who have “real” women representing thier brands!!! 

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!


Since when has it become acceptable to judge someone on their size? Why do advertisers and designers favour the slender frame? Surely they want to appeal to all women and promote a healthy body image to all women?! 
Do not even get me started on what this attitude must be doing to younger generations. 

A while ago I made decision to try really hard not to comment or judge people on thier weight, how they dress or how they look as is none of my business if someone has put on 2 stone in 2 months BUT I will praise someone if I know they are actively trying to amend thier appearance because they are unhappy. I would love to live in a world where we build each other, praise each other and accept people for who they are not how they look. 


So I ask of you, when you next turn to someone and go to say ooh she has put on weight or what is she wearing. Dont. You dont what that person is going through or if those jeans are the next size down from the ones they were in last week.

And for gods sake do not encourage our youngsters especially our girls to focus on how they look! Congratulate them for other things. Dont teach them the only way to get compliments is by how you look and what you wear. 

So please! Next time you start to judge others on their appearance, consider how you would feel if someone said the same things about you, your sister, your mother, your aunt, your cousin or even your daughter.

Emma x

I Want To Be A Loser!

It has been a while since I have posted about my weight, Monday night I had my last weigh in before holiday. I put on, I knew I would but its OK, I lost – I didn’t see it coming. So I am pleased to say I am going to Vegas 10lb lighter than what I was when I started on this journey and that’s OK!

However, when I get back from holiday there are a few things that I would love to be thinner for, first thing is my Cocktails & Cupcakes Girls Night! Its late June and I cant wait, all my girls are coming over we are going to have the fire pits going, cocktails flowing and yummy cupcakes. I would LOVE to have got my club 10 award by then, its only 7lb less than what I am now, I can do that!

Not long after that is my cousins wedding in July. I don’t think its unrealistic to have hit my 1.5st award by then, I will have a new front number then and will be a lot closer to Target!

The next mission then is my Birthday, I would LOVE to be a Target by then, but I think that is unrealistic, so 2st is my aim! I would hope by Hayley’s Hen Night in November I would be a Target, I would have been on my Slimming World journey for 1 year  at that point and if I have hit my Target I would be a total of 2st 12lb lighter.

HOWEVER! With every goal there is the risk that you wont succeed, if I don’t I wont be letting anyone down but myself. So as a note to me – here is a reminder of why I re-started my weight loss journey!

– Level Out My Hormones To Aid With My PCOS

– Be In A Healthy Weight Range

– Be Happier In My Own Skin

I have even made the decision not to waste my money on FOOD! This means, not buying a cheeky subway after weigh in on a Monday or sweets or a quick lunch because I was too lazy to bring something from home! I am limiting my funds because I’m saving and I don’t want to waste my “fun” money on Food! I want to enjoy it, I want to buy clothes or go to the cinema or socialize with my friends. Food doesn’t give you any companionship or achievements, so why waste unnecessary money on it! I have even said that I am not bringing myself back any food from America, apart from for my Dad. I wont eat it and if I do eat it, then I am sabotaging my own weight loss!

Lets do this!

 

 

Confusing Diets & PCOS!

OK, as you know for as long as I can remember I have been on a diet of some decription – mainly Slimming World! However, I have a new issue – I have been doing SW for so long that I CHEAT and only to myself! I dont count syns, I eat more A or B options than I should and get annoyed when I dont see any results on the scales!

Recently I have been researching what diets are best for people who suffer with PCOS, as for anyone who has followed this blog from the beginning will know after reading will know that I was diagnosed with this condition when I was 16/17, so almost 10 years ago!

I have read up of the typical symptoms of PCOS and can see myself in them so much & I want to do something to reduce these for me today, tomorrow and 10 years time! Here are the common symptoms of PCOS as per the NHS Website:

irregular periods or no periods at all
difficulty getting pregnant (because of irregular ovulation or failure to ovulate)
excessive hair growth (hirsutism) – usually on the face, chest, back or buttocks
weight gain
thinning hair and hair loss from the head
oily skin or acne

What i didnt realise is the risks that having PCOS can impact, women who suffer from PCOS are more at risk of the below as well:

type 2 diabetes – a condition that causes a person’s blood sugar level to become too high
depression and mood swings, as the symptoms of PCOS can affect your confidence and self-esteem
high blood pressure and high cholesterol, which can lead to heart disease and stroke
women who are overweight may also develop sleep apnoea – a condition that causes interrupted breathing during sleep

PCOS-Symptoms-Pinterest-Banner

Out of that list of 10 things, hand on heart I can say that at least 4 of those effect me and I want to do something about it, I want to be healthy for me. The big one that scares me on there is the difficulty of getting pregnant, I would love to one day (not in the near future) have a child and become a family with my significant other, but just like learning to save properly, I need to take this into my own hands and get something into action NOW!! Sitting around for the next 2 years carrying on as I am wont get me to a healthy weight range, it wont stop the excess hair growth, it wont stop my hair being thin, it wont stop my moodiness (especially about my weight) and it wont take the risk of diabetes or high blood pressure away either!

I have been looking at diets online and its really confusing, what is the best one out there and what should I be doing for me. Some of you will be reading this and saying ‘it depends on the person, different things work for different people’ and yes you are right, but unfortunately I am not the sort of person that can read a diet and go ‘Ok I know what I can/cant eat now’ I am not a good cook, so I need something written down so I know what I can and can’t do – which is why a slimming club worked for me, but I just dont think Slimming World is the right place for me at the moment.

As I write this, I have made the decision that I am going to book an appointment with my GP and get this all under control, request to see a dietician/nutrionist to help me things moving and get this show on the road! In the mean time, whilst I await an appointment (because it takes FOREVER!) I am going to cut carbs, diary & junk food out of my diet and keep exercising and just try to stay focused on the end goal. I know I can do this, I have lost the weight before I just need something or someone to help me this time…..maybe going back to Slimming World will help?!

pcos

Plot Twist!!!

When I first started writing this post, I thought my whole life was changing and it is but not as badly as I first thought! Initially just over a week ago told me he is going to be working away almost 5hrs away up north and that he would probably be home once a month, but wanted me to come up there or us meet in the middle.

When i found out, I was devastated, I felt like our relationship was on its way to the end and that I was going to lose the most important person in my life!

However, as always things do change and his boss has managed to find them work close to London, so now instead of not seeing him at all, I will get my weekends back with him & he will become a “weekend warrior”! This will only be potentially until Christmas, then he will be working in the west country, but still able to come home at weekends. So things aren’t as bad as they first imagined!

I am a massively independent person and enjoy my own company, so this time during the week I will have I am going to try and spend more time with my girlfriends. I am also going to use the times that I am seeing Matt as goals to hit a milestone in weight loss/dropping a dress size. I want to use the time constructively in the gym and focus 100% on dieting properly and focusing, Matt &I will tend to eat out quite a bit, but this will mean I get to save money as well.

I am fully aware that we aren’t the first couple to work like this and I am pretty sure we wont be the last, so I am gonna suck it up and deal with our change in circumstances the best I can! However, those of you that get to spend every night with your significant other or get to see them more than 2 days a week – don’t take it for granted, because you never know, once day it might all get taken out from under you!

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Get It All Off My Chest!

Hello All!

I seem to have been neglecting you all for a while and I am sorry for that! My brain has been going into over drive recently with lots of things whizzing around that I am trying to make sense of! I won’t bore you with the details, actually I think I will!

As you have probably guessed I LOVE to do my nails and whilst I was hunting round various Sephora stores in Rome, I thought to myself “oooh I want to get a home gel kit” which then turned into “oooh maybe I go back to college and learn how to do nails and maybe do it as a side business”. I have researched various different course and companies and looked at all the start-up costs, but realistically I would be spending out approx £1000 until I have either fully trained myself up and got all my equipment and then is it really worth it? Would I get the business? Would I still love doing nails if I did it up to 10 times a week? At the moment, it’s a no; I have managed to talk myself out of it. It’s still very much in the back of mind and maybe something that I do look at in the new year – I think I need to stop being so negative about it and just actually do something for me once in a while!

I have closed a door in my life that I was keeping ajar as a “just in case”, that clearly wasn’t worth leaving open. The only thing about that is that I am going to have to amend my bucket list – what with I’m not sure – but I will keep you updated!

I have also been looking into my finances and trying to make sure that I can actually start saving for a mortgage, I started doing really well, then I brought Little Dot and went on holiday, but I have started again and I have been looking into fixed savings accounts where I can’t touch the money for 2 years. I am pretty jam packed for the next couple of weekends so on my next free Saturday I am going to go into all the banks and see what they can offer me so I can start properly getting my finances in order!

I have been thinking about my bucket list and some of the things I have left, mainly learning Yoga or Pilates/reach size 12/run the race for life. As I broke my foot I haven’t been to the gym for some time and I was planning to go back this week but I recently got an email from my gym to say they were closing the gym for 10 days due to an upgrade! So I am going back 1st September and I am going to GO FOR IT. We have 8 months till Vegas, so 8 months to lost about 1/1.5 stone and tone up. I can do it!

Phew that felt good to get things off my chest!