Judgement

This week whilst I was making a brew at Slimming World waiting for Image Therapy to start I was joined at the hot water urn by an older lady who was just in front of me in the queue for the scales.

She asked how I got on, a usual question between members ‘lost 1/2 a pound’, I replied cheerily to which she swiftly replied with a concerned look on her face ‘oh, I bet you are disappointed‘. After a quite a hormonal week, at one point this week I decided I didn’t like any of the human race, my blood started to boil and the stirring of my tea got a tad more aggressive. ‘Actually no I’m really happy, as in 14 weeks I would have lost 7lb, all the little halves add up!‘ I tried to be cheery through gritted teeth, she commented that she would have been disappointed and was glad to have lost a pound. I then remembered Janice (that’s my fake name for her) and that a couple of weeks back she wanted to get 7lb off before going on holiday and missed out by 1/2lb, I felt bad for her, however now I was like ha! you wouldn’t have been disappointed then would ya! 

Anyway, she went on to say that I didn’t have much more to lose surely, blood boiling even more, so when I replied that I actually had 3 stone to lose she looked surprised and was like surely not. So I thought sod it, I am going to over share, so I openly told her that following guidance from my consultant that’s what I needed to lose & started to walk back to my seat thinking she would give up. Oh heck no she didn’t, she then persisted to say that sometimes medical professionals are wrong and they want you to be unhealthily thin, at this point I was wishing someone would come rescue this woman from her potential death by words.

My reaction? I told her that no illnesses are visible and that I need to lose that weight to make my body function normally and healthily and that I was not looking to be thin, but to be healthy. 

Thankfully, before I really went off on one, I noticed a missed call from my brother so I make my excuses and called him back whilst taking my seat.

Normally, things like that I would brush off and get over within minutes, however this one has stuck with me. How dare someone who does not know me whatsoever think its appropriate to judge my weight loss that week OR my health OR how (cringe) thin I am?! Janice does not know my story, she does not know why I joined Slimming World or that I have been (extra cringe) thin before.

Its people like that who really get my back up.

For the longest time I have tried really hard not to pass judgement on anyone based on their weight, so what if someone weights 20 stone or 8 stone, it doesn’t change who they are. They may be on their own journey and who am I to judge how they are doing or where they are going. I have a lovely friend that I met recently who wasn’t happy with her weight and so is doing her damn hardest to put ON weight and I for one am proud of her for wanting to make a change to her body for HER.

Why can’t we all just accept each other for who we are and not pass any judgement? In the environment of a slimming club, be it weight watchers or slimming world everyone is there for one thing so why WHY WHY would you question, judge or belittle anyone’s achievement?

Literally, I am still fuming……

But do you know what, when I next see Janice I wont bite her head off, I would avoid her like the plague, I will ask her how she did on the scales and congratulate her for every victory no matter how big or small and I will console her on her unexpected gains. Because I am the better person, I wont judge her like she did me and I wont question her story like she questioned mine.

If I can ask you all to do one thing this week, its to try really hard not to pass judgement on someone when you know nothing about their story, or do you what, even if you do know their story. Still don’t judge them, just love them, even if they don’t ask for it.

Emma xxx

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Be Healthy. Not Skinny.

Today this picture came up on my time-hop thing on Facebook….

Image may contain: 2 people, people standing, ocean and outdoor

Initially I thought WOW I did so well on my weightloss journey then. Then over the day, my mind changed, my thoughts of these pictures changed.

  • Firstly, by December 2007 I was 3 stone lighter. The picture on the right in 2011, was after re-joining slimming world in 2010. This wasn’t a true reflection, it didn’t take me 4 years to go from left to right.
  • Secondly, in 2007, I didn’t think there was anything problem with my weight or how I looked. I was happy, until I saw a photo 10 times worse that that and realised I needed to do something.
  • Thirdly, in 2011 despite looking pretty healthy (back then I would have said thin), I still thought and felt that I looked like I did on the left.
  • Fourth, I am the same person in both of these photos. Same unhappiness about my weight, focused on a number on the scales not on the benefit to my health.

Right now, I think I am probably a stone lighter than the picture on the left, I would love to get back to the dress size on the right, although I keep thinking to myself if that was sustainable I wouldn’t be back on my slimming world journey.

Tonight, I put on 3lb and I am pissed. BUT it’s no-one else’s fault apart from my own. I have chosen not to go to the gym for 3 weeks, I have chosen not to be “on plan” for weeks. It is my choice. I can choose to let my weight continue to creep up, or I can do something about it.

I want to do something about it & if I write it down, it has to happen.

Tonight, I came back from group, I sat down and wrote down what I am going to eat for the next 7 days. I am going to stick to that and I should see a loss on those scales next week. I have researched classes at the gym and Tuesday is going to be my day, I am going to LBT AND Yoga and then I am also going to go to the gym every other week day morning. My weekends will be my break. My body needs good fuel and exercise to work properly, I know this and I know that I am stopping my body from working correctly.

So. As of tomorrow back on plan, back on an aim and just a kick start to get healthy!

Love

Emma x

I Want To Be A Loser!

It has been a while since I have posted about my weight, Monday night I had my last weigh in before holiday. I put on, I knew I would but its OK, I lost – I didn’t see it coming. So I am pleased to say I am going to Vegas 10lb lighter than what I was when I started on this journey and that’s OK!

However, when I get back from holiday there are a few things that I would love to be thinner for, first thing is my Cocktails & Cupcakes Girls Night! Its late June and I cant wait, all my girls are coming over we are going to have the fire pits going, cocktails flowing and yummy cupcakes. I would LOVE to have got my club 10 award by then, its only 7lb less than what I am now, I can do that!

Not long after that is my cousins wedding in July. I don’t think its unrealistic to have hit my 1.5st award by then, I will have a new front number then and will be a lot closer to Target!

The next mission then is my Birthday, I would LOVE to be a Target by then, but I think that is unrealistic, so 2st is my aim! I would hope by Hayley’s Hen Night in November I would be a Target, I would have been on my Slimming World journey for 1 year  at that point and if I have hit my Target I would be a total of 2st 12lb lighter.

HOWEVER! With every goal there is the risk that you wont succeed, if I don’t I wont be letting anyone down but myself. So as a note to me – here is a reminder of why I re-started my weight loss journey!

– Level Out My Hormones To Aid With My PCOS

– Be In A Healthy Weight Range

– Be Happier In My Own Skin

I have even made the decision not to waste my money on FOOD! This means, not buying a cheeky subway after weigh in on a Monday or sweets or a quick lunch because I was too lazy to bring something from home! I am limiting my funds because I’m saving and I don’t want to waste my “fun” money on Food! I want to enjoy it, I want to buy clothes or go to the cinema or socialize with my friends. Food doesn’t give you any companionship or achievements, so why waste unnecessary money on it! I have even said that I am not bringing myself back any food from America, apart from for my Dad. I wont eat it and if I do eat it, then I am sabotaging my own weight loss!

Lets do this!

 

 

Confusing Diets & PCOS!

OK, as you know for as long as I can remember I have been on a diet of some decription – mainly Slimming World! However, I have a new issue – I have been doing SW for so long that I CHEAT and only to myself! I dont count syns, I eat more A or B options than I should and get annoyed when I dont see any results on the scales!

Recently I have been researching what diets are best for people who suffer with PCOS, as for anyone who has followed this blog from the beginning will know after reading will know that I was diagnosed with this condition when I was 16/17, so almost 10 years ago!

I have read up of the typical symptoms of PCOS and can see myself in them so much & I want to do something to reduce these for me today, tomorrow and 10 years time! Here are the common symptoms of PCOS as per the NHS Website:

irregular periods or no periods at all
difficulty getting pregnant (because of irregular ovulation or failure to ovulate)
excessive hair growth (hirsutism) – usually on the face, chest, back or buttocks
weight gain
thinning hair and hair loss from the head
oily skin or acne

What i didnt realise is the risks that having PCOS can impact, women who suffer from PCOS are more at risk of the below as well:

type 2 diabetes – a condition that causes a person’s blood sugar level to become too high
depression and mood swings, as the symptoms of PCOS can affect your confidence and self-esteem
high blood pressure and high cholesterol, which can lead to heart disease and stroke
women who are overweight may also develop sleep apnoea – a condition that causes interrupted breathing during sleep

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Out of that list of 10 things, hand on heart I can say that at least 4 of those effect me and I want to do something about it, I want to be healthy for me. The big one that scares me on there is the difficulty of getting pregnant, I would love to one day (not in the near future) have a child and become a family with my significant other, but just like learning to save properly, I need to take this into my own hands and get something into action NOW!! Sitting around for the next 2 years carrying on as I am wont get me to a healthy weight range, it wont stop the excess hair growth, it wont stop my hair being thin, it wont stop my moodiness (especially about my weight) and it wont take the risk of diabetes or high blood pressure away either!

I have been looking at diets online and its really confusing, what is the best one out there and what should I be doing for me. Some of you will be reading this and saying ‘it depends on the person, different things work for different people’ and yes you are right, but unfortunately I am not the sort of person that can read a diet and go ‘Ok I know what I can/cant eat now’ I am not a good cook, so I need something written down so I know what I can and can’t do – which is why a slimming club worked for me, but I just dont think Slimming World is the right place for me at the moment.

As I write this, I have made the decision that I am going to book an appointment with my GP and get this all under control, request to see a dietician/nutrionist to help me things moving and get this show on the road! In the mean time, whilst I await an appointment (because it takes FOREVER!) I am going to cut carbs, diary & junk food out of my diet and keep exercising and just try to stay focused on the end goal. I know I can do this, I have lost the weight before I just need something or someone to help me this time…..maybe going back to Slimming World will help?!

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