Benefits

I recently was awarded my 1 stone award at slimming world, its been a long time coming and I am so pleased to have achieved this before going on our holidays & I am hoping to have my 1.5st award too – but that may be a little too adventurous!

I have been back on this slimming world journey since 1st June 2017, at first I kept quiet wanting to not draw attention, but as time went on I became more open. Its almost taken me a year to get my stone off, but thats because I have still been living a normal life and understood that i cant be on plan all the time and with that will come some gains.

But, I cant help but already see and feel some of the benefits to having 14lb off my body & I wanted to share these with you.

  • My clothes fit better, they arent tight & uncomfortable. I can fit into dresses i havent been able to wear for 2 years, I feel confident to try different styles & although I still see areas I can improve being able to take your jeans off without undoing them is pretty awesome!
  • My excess hair is lighter. My constant battle, is slowly becoming managable I am not sure if its weightloss, metformin or them combined, but the hair is growing back lighter and thinner however I cant comment on the speed as I havent waxed since xmas!
  • I am learning to like myself again. I am starting to like my body and what it does for me if I look after it properly. I dont mind that my legs are thicker than some or that I may have bigger hips. I feel pretty ok about who I am and although I have a way to go to balance my hormones for my PCOS, I can feel that i am starting to accept who I am.
  • My relationship with food is better, I am more inclined to go for healthier options than crisps or chocolate. Dont get me wrong I still have my moments, but I can say no alot more easily now than I used to.

Overall, these 14lbs have been hard to lose probably the hardest its ever taken me & I will admit I am nervous about 2 weeks in cuba and rectifying the gain when I get back. But I know that if I can remember my end goal of getting my body working again and not having to worry about my beard then I am sure I will find that will power again.

For everyone else on a similar journey, dont give up even when the road seems long and never ending. You will get there and the feeling you get when you hit that milestone feels so much more rewarding than the 5 minute satisfaction of that chocolate bar or packet of crisps.

You wont feel guilty for your weightloss, but you will after that takeaway.

Love

Emma xx

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Judgement

This week whilst I was making a brew at Slimming World waiting for Image Therapy to start I was joined at the hot water urn by an older lady who was just in front of me in the queue for the scales.

She asked how I got on, a usual question between members ‘lost 1/2 a pound’, I replied cheerily to which she swiftly replied with a concerned look on her face ‘oh, I bet you are disappointed‘. After a quite a hormonal week, at one point this week I decided I didn’t like any of the human race, my blood started to boil and the stirring of my tea got a tad more aggressive. ‘Actually no I’m really happy, as in 14 weeks I would have lost 7lb, all the little halves add up!‘ I tried to be cheery through gritted teeth, she commented that she would have been disappointed and was glad to have lost a pound. I then remembered Janice (that’s my fake name for her) and that a couple of weeks back she wanted to get 7lb off before going on holiday and missed out by 1/2lb, I felt bad for her, however now I was like ha! you wouldn’t have been disappointed then would ya! 

Anyway, she went on to say that I didn’t have much more to lose surely, blood boiling even more, so when I replied that I actually had 3 stone to lose she looked surprised and was like surely not. So I thought sod it, I am going to over share, so I openly told her that following guidance from my consultant that’s what I needed to lose & started to walk back to my seat thinking she would give up. Oh heck no she didn’t, she then persisted to say that sometimes medical professionals are wrong and they want you to be unhealthily thin, at this point I was wishing someone would come rescue this woman from her potential death by words.

My reaction? I told her that no illnesses are visible and that I need to lose that weight to make my body function normally and healthily and that I was not looking to be thin, but to be healthy. 

Thankfully, before I really went off on one, I noticed a missed call from my brother so I make my excuses and called him back whilst taking my seat.

Normally, things like that I would brush off and get over within minutes, however this one has stuck with me. How dare someone who does not know me whatsoever think its appropriate to judge my weight loss that week OR my health OR how (cringe) thin I am?! Janice does not know my story, she does not know why I joined Slimming World or that I have been (extra cringe) thin before.

Its people like that who really get my back up.

For the longest time I have tried really hard not to pass judgement on anyone based on their weight, so what if someone weights 20 stone or 8 stone, it doesn’t change who they are. They may be on their own journey and who am I to judge how they are doing or where they are going. I have a lovely friend that I met recently who wasn’t happy with her weight and so is doing her damn hardest to put ON weight and I for one am proud of her for wanting to make a change to her body for HER.

Why can’t we all just accept each other for who we are and not pass any judgement? In the environment of a slimming club, be it weight watchers or slimming world everyone is there for one thing so why WHY WHY would you question, judge or belittle anyone’s achievement?

Literally, I am still fuming……

But do you know what, when I next see Janice I wont bite her head off, I would avoid her like the plague, I will ask her how she did on the scales and congratulate her for every victory no matter how big or small and I will console her on her unexpected gains. Because I am the better person, I wont judge her like she did me and I wont question her story like she questioned mine.

If I can ask you all to do one thing this week, its to try really hard not to pass judgement on someone when you know nothing about their story, or do you what, even if you do know their story. Still don’t judge them, just love them, even if they don’t ask for it.

Emma xxx

March

Wow, the 3rd month of the year! How quick is this year going already? Its crazy!

For the past 2 years I have done a “month off March” period to cull my poor eating habits and just challenge myself. This year I wasnt planning on doing anything, but after Matt & I saw the British Heart Foundation advert for dechocx and we decided that actually lets do it.

So for the past few days we both have been Chocolate free, however I have also been sweet, biscuit AND crisp free.

In my slimming world group 2 weeks ago I made the decision to go back to basics AND challenged myself to have my 1.5 stone award BEFORE we go to Cuba in May!

Matt & I both encourage each other witb naughty eating habits so I know this month will be a challenge BUT it will do us both some good and I know it will help me stick to plan and get me closer to reaching my goal!

My aim is to have at least my 1 stone award by the end of March!

Have a great March xxx

Normal

Sooooo earlier this week I had an appointment with an endocrinologist at my local hospital for my PCOS. I was originally referred to a gynae last year, but after a follow up appointment earlier in the year I was discharged as I wasn’t ready to start looking into my fertility any deeper.

After a catch up with my GP and figuring out what I want to do about my PCOS he decided and agreed with the gynae that an appointment with an endocrinologist was the best option. I did some googling about what they look into for PCOS, but its all quite limited and not clear – apart from that they are there to help with hormone imbalances, which is what PCOS is.

I had been quite nervous leading up to my appointment, I know what my body needs to do to reduce the external symptoms, but will power is stopping me. However, even weeks where I am 100% on plan, nothing happens – perhaps I wanting results too quickly? It had left me wondering what else they can suggest – are they going to put me on more meds? Will they actually help me?

But what I keep asking myself is when will I be normal?

I get so cross at myself for asking that question because I am normal, for ME. My normal isn’t the same as your normal and your normal isn’t the same as your next door neighbours. Surely that is what makes us all unique and brilliant? I am trying to encourage myself and others to remember that we are enough as we are, there is no normal, but sometimes you can forget this.

Sat in the waiting room flicking through a magazine that’s over a year old, what comes on the radio? The Spice Girls. Instantly, any worries I have and all the fears I feel are banished. I am here, getting help for a problem that is the root of all my insecurities and makes me feel less of a woman. I am here to turn things around and put a step forward in the right direction.

In fact, I am going to treat you to a tune……

 

After that short Spice Girl break, we continue! After listening to my PCOS journey and medical history and some family medical history we get to talking. Initially we talk about about fertility & he sets the record straight that actually concieving wont be as difficult as I have been told before by previous GPs, dependent on how my ovulation cycles are I should be fine. Even if it doesn’t happen right away there are plenty of medications that can assist and he was actually really confident which is quite reasurring!

We got onto talking about hirutism and how much of a frustration it is for me, he advised that he could put me on a testosterone blocker which will help BUT that it does come with the risk of kidney failure and weekly blood tests for a long time. So I decided that at the moment I don’t want to take that risk on and would try something different, we spoke about how weight loss can have a big impact on the way that hormones work and he told me what I have been hearing for the longest time.

I need to lose weight, to reset my hormones and help my body.

I must have looked quite downcast & he reassured me that it is possible and I can do it as I have done before as I told him. I said that I am going to slimming world, but truthfully not really sticking to it but that I dont think Metformin is helping either. So his suggestion was to up my metformin to 2000mg a day & stick to the Slimming World plan & I should start to see results, when I asked him how much I needed to lost to reset my body, he suggested I look at what I need to do to get within a healthy BMI range. We agreed that I would go back in 3 months time & have bloods done beforehand to make sure that there wasn’t anything else hormonal going on.

So, I came away a bit disappointed that still the option is losing weight & thinking that losing weight would be the 1 think we didn’t discuss! However, this is it, I need to start looking after my body better, I need to fuel my body the right way to help it function better – that is the fix. Me.

Back to basics I go, I am writing everything down, I am counting my syns and healthy extras. I am back in the zone, not for anybody else, but for me. I dont want to SKINNY or THIN, I want to be HEALTHY. I want to allow my body to function how it should do, I have a goal, but I wont share it.

I just ask that family and friends are supportive and understand that if I say NO its for my HEALTH.

Whilst I am disappointed that I can’t get any more help than what I have currently, I would rather have to be the one to reset my body than put something into my body that could lead it to fail. I started to increase the metformin that day, its just 2 days in as I write this, currently no problems with my digestive system (what a win), but I am unusually tired and feel like you do before you get fluey, like a bit body achy. Hopefully my body handles the 500mg increase well and I see a great loss on the scales this week, but I am prepared.

I will update you all in a few weeks time with how things are going – hopefully it will be good news!

Love

Emma xxx

Be Healthy. Not Skinny.

Today this picture came up on my time-hop thing on Facebook….

Image may contain: 2 people, people standing, ocean and outdoor

Initially I thought WOW I did so well on my weightloss journey then. Then over the day, my mind changed, my thoughts of these pictures changed.

  • Firstly, by December 2007 I was 3 stone lighter. The picture on the right in 2011, was after re-joining slimming world in 2010. This wasn’t a true reflection, it didn’t take me 4 years to go from left to right.
  • Secondly, in 2007, I didn’t think there was anything problem with my weight or how I looked. I was happy, until I saw a photo 10 times worse that that and realised I needed to do something.
  • Thirdly, in 2011 despite looking pretty healthy (back then I would have said thin), I still thought and felt that I looked like I did on the left.
  • Fourth, I am the same person in both of these photos. Same unhappiness about my weight, focused on a number on the scales not on the benefit to my health.

Right now, I think I am probably a stone lighter than the picture on the left, I would love to get back to the dress size on the right, although I keep thinking to myself if that was sustainable I wouldn’t be back on my slimming world journey.

Tonight, I put on 3lb and I am pissed. BUT it’s no-one else’s fault apart from my own. I have chosen not to go to the gym for 3 weeks, I have chosen not to be “on plan” for weeks. It is my choice. I can choose to let my weight continue to creep up, or I can do something about it.

I want to do something about it & if I write it down, it has to happen.

Tonight, I came back from group, I sat down and wrote down what I am going to eat for the next 7 days. I am going to stick to that and I should see a loss on those scales next week. I have researched classes at the gym and Tuesday is going to be my day, I am going to LBT AND Yoga and then I am also going to go to the gym every other week day morning. My weekends will be my break. My body needs good fuel and exercise to work properly, I know this and I know that I am stopping my body from working correctly.

So. As of tomorrow back on plan, back on an aim and just a kick start to get healthy!

Love

Emma x

Learning To Love Myself

1st June 2017

Walking through the doors of a local senior school, I feel numb. I know what to expect, I know the drill – but I don’t feel excited or nervous – perhaps overwhelmed by my sense of confidence and commitment. I take a seat in the new member area and Sharon makes her way over to greet me, like an old acquaintance she knows I have done this before and that I am sure I know what I doing. However, as not the only newbie that night, I listen to the new member chat intensely  ready to stay to image therapy and get weighed after. I committed to a 6 week countdown, saying to myself that every week during those 6 weeks I will lose weight, even its just 1/2lb each week it will be going in the right direction. So with a hope that the least I could lose would be 6lb I was happy. Standing on those black scales, I was filled with dread as I saw the number rise above what I thought I weighed. Being asked if that’s what you expected, I can’t imagine anyone ever says yes unless they have an understanding before. I think my response was like ‘urmmm, yeah? I am just pleased its a round figure!’ Yes, I smack bang on round stone marker (no, I am not sharing what one). Stepping off the scales and heading out confident that I do not want to ever go over that and to only go down I was determined and wrote every single thing down.

Yes, I was back at Slimming World.

8th June 2017

Stood in line waiting to pay, I text Matt telling him that I feel huge and that I dont think I have lost anything. However, he tries to reassure me, reminding me that I wrote everything down and that I have stuck to plan religiously so I will be fine. I stand on the scales……a new front number (I do a mini dance inside) then the lovely weigh ladies say ‘5 1/2lb off Emma – Well Done’. I think I must have had the biggest smile on my face EVER. I leave group adamant that I am going to get my half stone award the following week, thinking that perhaps 1 stone is achievable in 6 weeks?

15th June 2017

Had a weekend away with my sister in law a d we had a fantastic time – cocktails and yummy food what more could you ask for! So when I saw more weight drop off and the weigh ladies congratulate me on hitting my half stone with 2 1/2lb off!!! I was overjoyed, I was given not only my half stone award but slimmer of the week too! I was completely made up.

That’s 8lb in 2 weeks – not that I feel any different.

22nd June 2017

I have got complacent and started to sneak other food in, my dedication to the plan is slipping and so early in. That combined with the heat and my tablets making me feel unwell and suffering with awful headaches, I am really not confident when I walk through the doors. When the scales read just 1/2lb off I am disappointed. With myself. I know I should have tried to fight back and still gone to the gym, my body works best when dieting and exercising that’s well known with PCOS. I head home defeated by my own body and will for a better week next week.

8 1/2lb in 3 weeks.

29th June 2017

Another week of headaches and nausea and no exercise. I know I am due a gain, I have eaten more carbs this week hoping that might help my body to get to some normality. Another 1/2lb off. Another rubbish loss due to lack of commitment. I kick myself until Sharon tells the group I have done fantastically well with 9lb off in 4 weeks, that’s a little over 2lb a week. A steady weight loss. However, 1 more weigh in until my 6 weeks are up, only a miracle will get me 5lb off and I don’t think it will happen, but I commit to getting my butt to the gym and drinking more water.

9lb off in 4 weeks

6th July 2017

More exercise……less writing down…..resulted in a maintain. Feels ok, but need to better next week. My countdown has finished and I am tempted to book next week as holiday BUT I dont. I want a loss next week and must try harder – I want to go to Goodwood in a new stone bracket.

9lb off in 5 weeks.

20th July 2017

Not been weighed for 1 week, I know I will see a gain. I start to stress out about it on the Wednesday, but come Thursday lunchtime I am ok with it. I know I wont have put the full 9lb on, I know I will still be lighter than what I was a few weeks back. I brought a size 14 dress for Goodwood and the zip goes all the way up. I got this, I’m on my way. Stand on the scales….its a gain as I expected, 1.5lbs – not too bad, thats still 7lb off I am still half a stone lighter. This week the plan is to lose that and if I can a little bit more, go harder at the gym and be sensible with food choices.

7.5lb in 7 weeks

27th July 2017

I had a kebab last night……it was great! I love a nice kebab – day before weigh in, not our greatest idea but hey you only live once! So I get to weigh in, hoping I have lost some of what I put on last week……1lb OFF! WAHOOO! That’s good – I am almost back to where I was. However, I did have a non scale victory – I tried my bridesmaid dress on, its a petite 14…..it fit and zipped right up! WIN! I put on my black skinnys for the first time in a while & they aren’t tight! WIN! Now to make sure I keep losing a bit more weight and keep active at the gym. This “diet” isn’t a quick fix as when I hit where I want to be I then need to maintain it and dont slip back! Onwards and upwards for this week coming!

8.5lb in 8 weeks

3rd August 2017

I feel huge today, feeling unwell most of yesterday has led to feeling bloated a lot today. However, I pay for another 6 week countdown. That’s me committed to a weightloss each week – no excuses. For some reason this week I didn’t look in my book before stepping on the scales, completely unaware of what I weighed in at last week. I step on and see what I think is a humungous gain, for the wonderful weigh ladies to say ‘4lb off well done’. I think to say I was in a state of shock is a complete understatement. The only thing I did differently this week was write it down, good or bad it went on the food diary, that tool clearly works for me! I didn’t stay to group as had prep to do for goodwood and then find out I was Slimmer Of The Week for the 2nd time! Wahoo! On a mission to get my stone award next week!

12.5lb in 9 weeks

10th August 2017

It’s our anniversary and I decide to stay to group – we aren’t really celebrating until tomorrow night, so I allow myself an hour to myself and stay to Image Therapy for the first time in weeks. I put on 1lb, I am ok with that my weekend was completely off plan so I am pleased its just 1lb. My commitment for this week moving forward? To write it all down and come in with a loss…..I will get my 1 stone award by my Birthday!

11.5lb in 10 weeks

Soooo we are heading into the last week of August and my birthday is fast approaching! I wont have time to update this post with weigh in’s moving forward and as summer is almost over I felt now was a good time for this to go live!

The aim was never to be focused by how much I weigh and that is still the case. I don’t care about the number on the scales what I care about is how I feel and how this impact on my PCOS visual symptoms. Whilst I am not fully ok with how I look at the moment, I am starting to see subtle changes that is building my self esteem. I will get there and it will take time.

This is not a diet. I am changing my lifestyle and its a going to be a long journey but that’s ok.

Emma xx

I Want To Be A Loser!

It has been a while since I have posted about my weight, Monday night I had my last weigh in before holiday. I put on, I knew I would but its OK, I lost – I didn’t see it coming. So I am pleased to say I am going to Vegas 10lb lighter than what I was when I started on this journey and that’s OK!

However, when I get back from holiday there are a few things that I would love to be thinner for, first thing is my Cocktails & Cupcakes Girls Night! Its late June and I cant wait, all my girls are coming over we are going to have the fire pits going, cocktails flowing and yummy cupcakes. I would LOVE to have got my club 10 award by then, its only 7lb less than what I am now, I can do that!

Not long after that is my cousins wedding in July. I don’t think its unrealistic to have hit my 1.5st award by then, I will have a new front number then and will be a lot closer to Target!

The next mission then is my Birthday, I would LOVE to be a Target by then, but I think that is unrealistic, so 2st is my aim! I would hope by Hayley’s Hen Night in November I would be a Target, I would have been on my Slimming World journey for 1 year  at that point and if I have hit my Target I would be a total of 2st 12lb lighter.

HOWEVER! With every goal there is the risk that you wont succeed, if I don’t I wont be letting anyone down but myself. So as a note to me – here is a reminder of why I re-started my weight loss journey!

– Level Out My Hormones To Aid With My PCOS

– Be In A Healthy Weight Range

– Be Happier In My Own Skin

I have even made the decision not to waste my money on FOOD! This means, not buying a cheeky subway after weigh in on a Monday or sweets or a quick lunch because I was too lazy to bring something from home! I am limiting my funds because I’m saving and I don’t want to waste my “fun” money on Food! I want to enjoy it, I want to buy clothes or go to the cinema or socialize with my friends. Food doesn’t give you any companionship or achievements, so why waste unnecessary money on it! I have even said that I am not bringing myself back any food from America, apart from for my Dad. I wont eat it and if I do eat it, then I am sabotaging my own weight loss!

Lets do this!