Wonderful

I have had a pretty awesome March, I have seen a lot of friends and family & done some pretty cool things. However, even with all the good stuff, I have had moments where I have really struggled. I have felt lost and confused about what I should be doing, what I want from my life and where I am going.

Then, Sunday I jumped out of a plane, I did my skydive finally and I think its what I was waiting for all this time. The feeling of jumping out into the air was like nothing I have ever experienced. Feeling the wind against your face and knowing that there is nothing but you and the peaceful sky was incredible. As we glided through the sky, I could see for miles and there was so much green around, there was no stress, no anxiety, all my worries and fears just melted away. The world is so much more than all the silly stuff I have been focusing on and I shouldn’t be letting that consume me.

Then today, on the way into work George Ezra’s new song Pretty Shining People and for the first time today, I really listened to the lyrics…..

Me and Sam in the car, talking ’bout America
Heading to the wishing well, we’ve reached our last resort
I turned to him said, “Man help me out
I fear I’m on an island in an ocean full of change
Can’t bring myself to dive in to an ocean full of change
Am I losing touch
Am I losing touch now?”
He said, “Why why, what a terrible time to be alive
If you’re prone to overthinking and
Why why, what a terrible time to be alive
If you’re prone to second guessing”

I am on a island, my island, surrounded by change too scared to dip my feet in the water to see if it will feel good. By not wanting to dip my toe I am holding myself back from experiencing new things and growing as a person. So I am going to start dipping my toe in the water, embracing change and rolling with the waves!

 

Advertisements

My Christmas

Wow, that went quick.

Today is the last day of the year, how did that happen. Christmas has been and gone and I still feel like we are somewhat on the build up!

Well, I thought I would share with you a little story about 1 of my Christmas presents that I got this year. I have previously posted about all my gifts and I did get a lot of lovely gifts this year, but I really want to share with you about just 1 of them this year.

You may remember my post about Fear earlier in the year. I was bouncing off the walls when I wrote it, adamant I had made some realizations about my life. Don’t get me wrong, I did, I now am not afraid to try something new and I am working on putting myself out there more. Although, I didn’t go to an exercise class, I quit the gym AND as yet we haven’t booked a trip to Asia – but more on that in a future post! However, there was something else I wanted to do & that was a skydive, but still I hadn’t booked it as when I told Matt he joked he had already got me one for Christmas.

Turns out he wasn’t lying.

That look on my face is me saying ‘shit! I really have to do this now!’

So it looks like this year, I am jumping out of a plane. What! How insane is that, actually jumping out of a plane. I am not sure how I feel about it, I am kind of excited but really really nervous. I just need to keep telling myself that things I fear the most are things I should do the most.

Matt has paid for the skydive which will be taking place in Salisbury, I just need to book it. I am contemplating booking it for my actual birthday, how awesome would that be to jump out of a plane on my 30th Birthday! I will be booking it to take place during the summer and I am going to be inviting anyone who would like to come along to join me. So keep your eyes peeled for more updates on this later in the year!

So, amongst smellies, a ring (no not that type of ring), a pandora ring, a kate spade watch, vouchers and useful items of for the house. My Skydive is 100% my favourite gift!

What did you get for Christmas?

Love

Emma xxx

Fear

So you will need to be patient with me over the next few weeks/months as after every liberty shoot I realise something new about myself and learn things that inspire how I look at the world and how I can improve and grow myself. The best way for me to say this and for it to register is to write it down. So you may see a few blogs over the next few weeks, or you might not, this might be the only thing I took away!

During our circle of trust, the amazing Jen said something that at the time didn’t really mean anything to me, but over the past few days it’s started to…….

Those who fear something the most are the ones who should do it the most.

Initially, I thought I didn’t fear anything and I am quite happy to give anything a go. Well that is a big fat lie. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 things that I fear doing…..

1. Going to a group  class at the gym

2. Travelling to Asia (backpacking)

3. Skydiving

So you might be reading those and thinking really? Is that all you fear? No, it’s not all I fear – there is so much more I fear, but those things are all personal to me and my journey of improving my confidence and feeling secure in myself and who I am as a person. Those are things that I want to work on and continue to work on privately, because we don’t have to share everything you know!

So thinking about those wise words in the circle of trust and the fact that this is the last year of my 20’s, I feel like I need to own it and not let fear win. If I continue to let fear win, then how to expect to be able to grow and improve myself in other areas? I won’t, because this will always be in the back of my mind and I will always think that I can’t do it, when in fact as one of my Aunties has always told me….

There is no such word as can’t.

So, I sat Matt down and told him that I want to conquer some of these fears that I have and I want to experience something new and do things outside of my comfort zone.

Matt has always wanted to go to Asia, predominately Thailand or Vietnam but I have always been so reluctant because I dont want to back pack. If I am on holiday I want 1 place as our base and then explore from there. I am fearful that I will get lost or there wont be anywhere to stay if we have nothing booked. But where is the adventure in playing safe? So this weekend we are doing some researching! I’m not sure what we are going to do, but I am thinking potentially for us to stay in hostels to make it cheap and affordable. It is totally out of my comfort zone BUT that is when life starts isn’t it? The more I have been looking at both countries the more the thought of an adventure starts to get appealing – I had never thought of going to some of the places we have been but they have ended up being some the BEST places I have been too!

Next, is Skydiving – why would anyone want to chuck themselves out of a plane? Because of the adrenaline and the views and just the fact that you can say you DID IT! I brought Matt a skydive a few years ago and he loved it and has always joked that he would buy me one and I have always said I would never do it. Then when i told him about this he told me he brought me one for Christmas!! What am I so afraid of? I am not scared of heights, I enjoy flying, I like nice views and I have conquered a zip wire in Mexico which was 45 metres above ground and so so so scary, but I did it. So with that in mind, I am going to book it and do it BUT with a twist (although Matt thinks I should just do it for me!). I am going to do it for charity, so other people benefit from my experience too. I have thought long and hard about what charity I want to raise funds for and I have decided to do it for Cancer Research.  There are a lot of reasons why this charity was my front runner that I won’t go into, but the fact that more people are surviving cancer than dying because of it now just proves how important that research is. I will share the link in another post!

Lastly, one I need to conquer on my own. Group classes at the gym. I enjoy the gym when I go, I have a little routine but in reality its not doing anything for me and I know people rave about group classes so I want to do it. Why aren’t I? Because I worry about how unfit I am, I dont want to be the one at the back that is sweating like a loon and cant keep up. I want to go into a class and do it with ease. In reality that will never happen, I need to suck it up and do it – stop making excuses and just own it. I know once I have done it I will enjoy it and want to go back. Its just plucking up that courage. This is what i fear the most. So going by Jen’s advice, this I what I need to do more than the other 2. I have been looking at the gym classes and I have decided I am going to give Zumba a go on a Sunday. I might not like it and I might never go again…..on the flip side I might LOVE it and then go every week and this may just be the kick start to an incredible weight loss journey!

So…..there you have it. I am branching out of my comfort zone all thanks to a little bit of confidence from a photo shoot. How insane is that! 

Love

Emma xx