This post has been really hard to write, mainly because I just dont have much energy at the moment just feel exhausted to make the effort to do anything. Most days I just want to be in my PJs watching re-runs of friends and just not using my brain. But today, when I was hanging out my washing I realised it was October and that the past 2.5 months of my life have just gone by in a massive blur and I feel like I have just been carried along and not really living it.

Do you ever feel like that, where you are just watching your life go by but aren’t really in it?

I have had a difficult couple of months at work, I wont go in depth as I cant, but its been tough and really pushed me to my limit, tested my strength and I have got to the point where I have been generally just worn down. Initially I was solidering on and found it easy to let work end at 5pm and leave everything at the door, but over the past month I have found my attitude and approach at work has got to a place where I am constantly negative, stressed and exhausted. I like to think that I am the type of manager that can keep a game face on, but even that has slipped recently and I have noticed that whilst at work I am not the person I know I am normally & I have morphed into someone who I never wanted to become. What makes it even worse is that I have noticed this is seeping into my personal life & whilst I still think I am putting a good face on things, I am just going through the motions.

So whilst there has been a truck load of stuff going on at work, there has been a truck load of stuff going on in my personal life that I dont even think I have had chance to process. I turned 30 in August and whilst I know I had a good time at that point, I cant say I made memories which hurts, a lot. When I truly ask myself why I didn’t make any memories, I feel its because I think I have got myself to a point where I dont want to feel anything anymore because everything I have been feeling recently is negativity and I just dont want to feel that way any more.

I wanted to start taking care of myself more, but its just not happening, I am not looking after me & putting me first. I want to get some positive space back in my life, I want to actually start to feel something other than exhausted, sad, angry, tired, stressed. I want to enjoy food again and eat because I enjoy it not because I need it to survive.

So what am I going to do – I genuinely dont know, but something needs to adjust in my life and I feel if I can get myself back on track personally then I hope that will start to seep through to my work life and I will start to get that work/life balance again. I am going to try removing myself from technology when I am in our bedroom, I want to start writing again more and reading more, I enjoy doing that and its a release for me & perhaps is a reason why I haven’t been able to get control lately. I have started to look at affirmations and giving myself things to remind myself of every morning, switch up my routine to include doing things I enjoy just generally start enjoying myself again.

I feel like this has been a complete ramble and that is a very accurate display of how my brain is working at the moment, just a mash of a lot of things and nothing really is getting completed.

I have so many great things coming up over the next couple of months and my favourite time of year is just round the corner and I feel like if I dont do something now then nothing its going to get better. So although tonight I am alone as Matt is working late, I am going to for the first time, leave my phone outside of the bedroom, I am going to write down 5 affirmations to read every night before bed and every morning when I wake up.

I will beat this funk that I have got myself in and I will get back to me.

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Photo A Day – January 2015

You May Follow Me On Facebook Or Instagram & Already Have Seen Some Of My Pictures From This Month, But I Wanted To Share With You All So, So Here We Go……..

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Confusing Diets & PCOS!

OK, as you know for as long as I can remember I have been on a diet of some decription – mainly Slimming World! However, I have a new issue – I have been doing SW for so long that I CHEAT and only to myself! I dont count syns, I eat more A or B options than I should and get annoyed when I dont see any results on the scales!

Recently I have been researching what diets are best for people who suffer with PCOS, as for anyone who has followed this blog from the beginning will know after reading will know that I was diagnosed with this condition when I was 16/17, so almost 10 years ago!

I have read up of the typical symptoms of PCOS and can see myself in them so much & I want to do something to reduce these for me today, tomorrow and 10 years time! Here are the common symptoms of PCOS as per the NHS Website:

irregular periods or no periods at all
difficulty getting pregnant (because of irregular ovulation or failure to ovulate)
excessive hair growth (hirsutism) – usually on the face, chest, back or buttocks
weight gain
thinning hair and hair loss from the head
oily skin or acne

What i didnt realise is the risks that having PCOS can impact, women who suffer from PCOS are more at risk of the below as well:

type 2 diabetes – a condition that causes a person’s blood sugar level to become too high
depression and mood swings, as the symptoms of PCOS can affect your confidence and self-esteem
high blood pressure and high cholesterol, which can lead to heart disease and stroke
women who are overweight may also develop sleep apnoea – a condition that causes interrupted breathing during sleep

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Out of that list of 10 things, hand on heart I can say that at least 4 of those effect me and I want to do something about it, I want to be healthy for me. The big one that scares me on there is the difficulty of getting pregnant, I would love to one day (not in the near future) have a child and become a family with my significant other, but just like learning to save properly, I need to take this into my own hands and get something into action NOW!! Sitting around for the next 2 years carrying on as I am wont get me to a healthy weight range, it wont stop the excess hair growth, it wont stop my hair being thin, it wont stop my moodiness (especially about my weight) and it wont take the risk of diabetes or high blood pressure away either!

I have been looking at diets online and its really confusing, what is the best one out there and what should I be doing for me. Some of you will be reading this and saying ‘it depends on the person, different things work for different people’ and yes you are right, but unfortunately I am not the sort of person that can read a diet and go ‘Ok I know what I can/cant eat now’ I am not a good cook, so I need something written down so I know what I can and can’t do – which is why a slimming club worked for me, but I just dont think Slimming World is the right place for me at the moment.

As I write this, I have made the decision that I am going to book an appointment with my GP and get this all under control, request to see a dietician/nutrionist to help me things moving and get this show on the road! In the mean time, whilst I await an appointment (because it takes FOREVER!) I am going to cut carbs, diary & junk food out of my diet and keep exercising and just try to stay focused on the end goal. I know I can do this, I have lost the weight before I just need something or someone to help me this time…..maybe going back to Slimming World will help?!

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Plot Twist!!!

When I first started writing this post, I thought my whole life was changing and it is but not as badly as I first thought! Initially just over a week ago told me he is going to be working away almost 5hrs away up north and that he would probably be home once a month, but wanted me to come up there or us meet in the middle.

When i found out, I was devastated, I felt like our relationship was on its way to the end and that I was going to lose the most important person in my life!

However, as always things do change and his boss has managed to find them work close to London, so now instead of not seeing him at all, I will get my weekends back with him & he will become a “weekend warrior”! This will only be potentially until Christmas, then he will be working in the west country, but still able to come home at weekends. So things aren’t as bad as they first imagined!

I am a massively independent person and enjoy my own company, so this time during the week I will have I am going to try and spend more time with my girlfriends. I am also going to use the times that I am seeing Matt as goals to hit a milestone in weight loss/dropping a dress size. I want to use the time constructively in the gym and focus 100% on dieting properly and focusing, Matt &I will tend to eat out quite a bit, but this will mean I get to save money as well.

I am fully aware that we aren’t the first couple to work like this and I am pretty sure we wont be the last, so I am gonna suck it up and deal with our change in circumstances the best I can! However, those of you that get to spend every night with your significant other or get to see them more than 2 days a week – don’t take it for granted, because you never know, once day it might all get taken out from under you!

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The Summer Without You

I have read all books that Karen Swan has written so far, so when I saw on twitter that she was penning a new book and I knew I had to read it.

I downloaded The Summer Without You pretty much the day it was released with the plan that I would read it whilst I was in the states, it didn’t happen then I took my kindle to Rome and I didn’t read whilst I was there! So finally last week, whilst staying at Matt’s and the rain was pouring down I curled up on the sofa with my kindle and got stuck in.

The book starts off and you are bang straight into the midst of a mid twenties long term relationship and Matt has just announced he wants a “Pause” in their relationship to allow him to go travelling and actually miss Ro. Straight away I connected with Ro and thought “what, how dare he just give in on the relationship” and I knew then I was going to like this book. I wont lie after initially connecting with the book, it took me a while to work out where the story line was going, but in the midst of Ro moving to the Hamptons and her relationship with her housemates and the growth of her business was enticing me into the story. Something kept niggling me, what was the point in Ted’s character? Why did he keep coming back into the story? I think I became frustrated with myself because I couldn’t work out where the story was going, then Ro did a photo shoot with Ted’s kids and I decided that night I was finishing the book, I couldn’t put it down and needed know what was happening.

I have to admit, when Matt turned up and the ring was on the table my heart was screaming “NOOOO don’t do it Ro!” and I have to say the last few pages I kind of gave up and then it ended and I just loved the way it all came together and I didn’t want it to end…I wanted more, which is the same with all of Karen’s books!

Whilst I know this review is short and sweet, I don’t want to give the story line away I want you to download/buy/loan the book and just fall in love with the book! Whilst your at it get all her other books – they are fantastic, but the only problem is, every time I want to know what happens after!

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Brightly Does It

Its not very often that I feel compelled to write a blog immediately after something has happened, but I needed to share!

It was my birthday a few days ago and my bestie http://youtu.be/q2czqfQAs5c asked me what she can get me, I straight away said Frozen or if she didn’t want to get me that then to surprise me! I was really excited to open my gift and I got Frozen (its on in the background as I type this!), a yankee candle wax tart (because she knows I love my candles) and a gorgeous China Glaze nail polish.

Steph told me that she wanted to keep the nail polish for herself as she loved the colour, so I joked and said that I would send her a picture to make her jealous once I used it! Tonight, after a stressful few days, I decided to have a bath, watch Frozen and try out my new nail polish. Now because of the colour I did a white base first to make the colour really pop, I used Barry M Matt White. Once dried, I did 1 coat of the gorgeous purple, it layered really nice and dried very quickly, but because my hands aren’t always steady and the coat wasn’t evenly applied, I did a 2nd coat and it just gave the colour so much more depth. Again it dried really quick and I applied my top coat to seal it all together and ensure I don’t need to re-do my nails before a wedding I am attending on Saturday.

I straight away sent a text to Steph and I think its save to say she loves the colour as much as I do! This is the first China Glaze polish I have used & if they are all as good as this I will definitely be buying more (I hope my boyfriend isn’t reading that!)

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The Colour is That’s Shore Bright

Thank You Steph!!!

Em xxx

All thoughts are my own and I am not affiliated with China Glaze or any distributor!

Get It All Off My Chest!

Hello All!

I seem to have been neglecting you all for a while and I am sorry for that! My brain has been going into over drive recently with lots of things whizzing around that I am trying to make sense of! I won’t bore you with the details, actually I think I will!

As you have probably guessed I LOVE to do my nails and whilst I was hunting round various Sephora stores in Rome, I thought to myself “oooh I want to get a home gel kit” which then turned into “oooh maybe I go back to college and learn how to do nails and maybe do it as a side business”. I have researched various different course and companies and looked at all the start-up costs, but realistically I would be spending out approx £1000 until I have either fully trained myself up and got all my equipment and then is it really worth it? Would I get the business? Would I still love doing nails if I did it up to 10 times a week? At the moment, it’s a no; I have managed to talk myself out of it. It’s still very much in the back of mind and maybe something that I do look at in the new year – I think I need to stop being so negative about it and just actually do something for me once in a while!

I have closed a door in my life that I was keeping ajar as a “just in case”, that clearly wasn’t worth leaving open. The only thing about that is that I am going to have to amend my bucket list – what with I’m not sure – but I will keep you updated!

I have also been looking into my finances and trying to make sure that I can actually start saving for a mortgage, I started doing really well, then I brought Little Dot and went on holiday, but I have started again and I have been looking into fixed savings accounts where I can’t touch the money for 2 years. I am pretty jam packed for the next couple of weekends so on my next free Saturday I am going to go into all the banks and see what they can offer me so I can start properly getting my finances in order!

I have been thinking about my bucket list and some of the things I have left, mainly learning Yoga or Pilates/reach size 12/run the race for life. As I broke my foot I haven’t been to the gym for some time and I was planning to go back this week but I recently got an email from my gym to say they were closing the gym for 10 days due to an upgrade! So I am going back 1st September and I am going to GO FOR IT. We have 8 months till Vegas, so 8 months to lost about 1/1.5 stone and tone up. I can do it!

Phew that felt good to get things off my chest!