I have been thinking about this post for a few days now and what I want to say so I am glad to finally get it down and out my brain.

Firstly, SORRY. I have been vacant for a while. Not on purpose, life has just been busy and I have been suffering on and off with bad head aches, tiredness all as a result of being back on good old metformin. I dont know if its playing with my sugar levels or what, but every few weeks I get raging headaches where my head just feels tight. Its so weird. And no, I haven’t been back to the GP.

Second to that, my anxiety has started to reappear, not continuously but just every so often. I noticed it when we were cleaning the guttering, of all things, my heart was just racing and even made Matt check my heartbeat to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

Now I am laid in bed writing the first edit as I cant sleep, but I cant sleep because I think my body is displaying anxiety in a different way to what I am used to. It feels like there are a million tiny people running all over my chest and down my arms, like they are making my blood run faster and my lungs work harder. Its a really strange sensation, almost like its making me too alert to sleep.

Wow…..that’s dramatic!

So for anyone that has anxiety people will say to you what are you worried about, whats stressing you out. I know because I am guilty of doing that to others. But 99.9% of the time that person cant tell you because they wont know themselves. Right now, I dont what is going on and yet I still try to rationalize it to something. In reality its just my bodies way of dealing with things that I close off and try to forget about.

So, I have gone a little bit off topic. When I planned this post it was meant to be about PCOS not anxiety. However. My gynecologist did say that anxiety comes hand in hand with PCOS and its not surprising given all the visible signs we have to combat. So I know this is part of my condition and I know this is mild and no where near as bad as what it could be. 

Lets spend some time talking about metformin. I have taken this drung twice now within the past year and both times had different but similar side effects & both times I haven’t believed it to be working. Which when your feeling rubbish is a really hard pill to swallow (pardon the pun!). So what is happening this time round? Lack of appetite – that is a big one (and a horrible one!), headaches – bad ones – to the point where I feel my skull is putting pressure on my braid. That then leads to tiredness, when I have headaches like that I just want to lay and not do anything.

The worst thing about all of this is that I know  that I still need to persevere. YES, the hair is still there, the hormones and just everything is the same. My body is changing, whether its the gym or the little weight loss I have made, I’m not sure but I feel a bit happier in my body – although I dont think I will ever be “normal”, whatever that is!

Sorry this isn’t a fantastic post….but wanted all my fellow PCOS fighters to know that I am still here on this journey….

Keep Smiling!

Emma x


Get It All Off My Chest!

Hello All!

I seem to have been neglecting you all for a while and I am sorry for that! My brain has been going into over drive recently with lots of things whizzing around that I am trying to make sense of! I won’t bore you with the details, actually I think I will!

As you have probably guessed I LOVE to do my nails and whilst I was hunting round various Sephora stores in Rome, I thought to myself “oooh I want to get a home gel kit” which then turned into “oooh maybe I go back to college and learn how to do nails and maybe do it as a side business”. I have researched various different course and companies and looked at all the start-up costs, but realistically I would be spending out approx £1000 until I have either fully trained myself up and got all my equipment and then is it really worth it? Would I get the business? Would I still love doing nails if I did it up to 10 times a week? At the moment, it’s a no; I have managed to talk myself out of it. It’s still very much in the back of mind and maybe something that I do look at in the new year – I think I need to stop being so negative about it and just actually do something for me once in a while!

I have closed a door in my life that I was keeping ajar as a “just in case”, that clearly wasn’t worth leaving open. The only thing about that is that I am going to have to amend my bucket list – what with I’m not sure – but I will keep you updated!

I have also been looking into my finances and trying to make sure that I can actually start saving for a mortgage, I started doing really well, then I brought Little Dot and went on holiday, but I have started again and I have been looking into fixed savings accounts where I can’t touch the money for 2 years. I am pretty jam packed for the next couple of weekends so on my next free Saturday I am going to go into all the banks and see what they can offer me so I can start properly getting my finances in order!

I have been thinking about my bucket list and some of the things I have left, mainly learning Yoga or Pilates/reach size 12/run the race for life. As I broke my foot I haven’t been to the gym for some time and I was planning to go back this week but I recently got an email from my gym to say they were closing the gym for 10 days due to an upgrade! So I am going back 1st September and I am going to GO FOR IT. We have 8 months till Vegas, so 8 months to lost about 1/1.5 stone and tone up. I can do it!

Phew that felt good to get things off my chest!

Wishful Wednesday

Hello Butterflies!

I am sat here pondering over what to write to you all, but I have a couple of things that I would to share with you!

Firstly, I have never blogged about my job and I won’t go into any major detail due to patient confidentiality, but I just can’t stop thinking about a call I took earlier this week! I suppose you could say that I work in a call centre & I am a team leader. Unfortunately I had to call a patient who wasn’t too happy with one thing and another, they weren’t what I would class as an elderly patient as they are about the same age as both my grandads, but bless I ended up being on the phone to them for a good 30minutes. Thankfully just an apology from me was enough to settle the patient, but there was lots of other underlying issues with the patient and I genuinely think they just needed someone to talk to and share their pain and anguish with. The sad thing is that they told me they have no family, unfortunately there was nothing I could do to help the patient with their other problems apart from being there to listen. It just made me think that if for whatever reason my grandparents didn’t have anyone around or even when I am old that there will be someone who will sit there & listen even if it isn’t their job as I know that at the end of that call I relieved some of their anxiety and pressure, just by listening.

It just makes me sad to think that there are some of the older generation have no one and just rely on people calling them or neighbours or even just someone working in the local shop – such a shame as so many of them fought for our country….. Well I hope I made things a bit better for that patient even if it was just for a short time!

On another note……how on earth are we nearly in June?! I have got a list of clothes to pack and I also have a list of things that I would like to buy, but right now – I’m really thinking that I would like someone to pack for me, so I can just take my suitcase and get on the plane. I have lost the excitement that I had a few weeks ago, I am bored of waiting and just want to get to the airport and on that plane. On the other hand, I got myself in a bit of a state the other night as I realised that I won’t be seeing Matt for almost 2 1/2 weeks, which is the longest we have ever been apart. I will have access to wifi so will be able to text him or face time ever so often (I will also blog so don’t worry!) but I will still miss him!

Em xxx