Tell Me

I have decided to write this, not for attention or because I want people to stroke my ego or anything but I just want to write it out and maybe someone will recognize that they feel the same and it may just help them.

I love meeting up with my friends & family especially if its been a while since we have seen each other its great to be in their company and really makes me feel content. However, I cant help but feel that I have nothing to offer them, perhaps that’s the wrong phrase, but I am not sure how else to word it. Every time you see a friend or a family member they ask how you are (easy to answer) and what you have been up to and that is the one I struggle with. I always feel like they have much more excitement going on in their lives that is worth talking about, or more recently I haven’t had any new news to share I am just living my life in my gorgeous little home with my lovely partner – there is nothing new. Its just making me dread being in social situations and really not wanting to talk about myself at all.

Yes, I suppose the biggest news I have is that my driveway is now finished and thats great and after being in our house for just over 2 years and the biggest job its a great feeling to be finished, but thats it. No-one else finds it exciting, yes they will be pleased for me but its not as exciting as a pregnancy, a baby update, a new puppy, wedding plans etc. yes friendship shouldn’t be about competing but it should be about having something to bring to the table surely?

I find myself sitting there around people avoiding questions about me or changing the topic of conversation on to someone else so the attention isn’t on me and my nothing news. Tell me I am not the only one?

On the odd time that I will have news and updates and things to share I get really excited and then come away deflated because my past behaviours that I have mentioned above has meant that people dont expect me to bring anything so I find that they then don’t bother asking me anything. Its really difficult for me as I am finding as I am growing older and really developing into myself especially since moving out, that I am quite a private person and I dont really like to share a lot. For me, I think it stems from past friendships where I have been burnt, let down, used or just abandoned. I know there are 2 sides to both stories and I figure I am not a perfect friend, but those experiences have left me cautious to really show the real me in case it goes wrong again.

I have realised when writing this that I have some sort of lack of confidence in my friendships, I am sat here wondering why anyone is friends with me and then saying to myself that I am being stupid and of course I have things to offer people. I just need to sort my head space out and realise that no matter how much or how little I have to talk about my real, true friends will want to hear it.

I really need to overcome this feeling of rejection that fear that I am not good enough or worthy of their time. Okay, my news might not be as exciting as theirs but they obviously want my company and care about me, so I need to sort this out. I am seeing a friend this weekend (its currently Monday), I have known her for around 7 years now and researchers say that means your friendship will last a life time, so I am going to be more open and try to let go of my fear.

Tell me I am not the only one who fears rejection by their friends. Tell me I am not the only one who worries they aren’t good enough. Tell me I am not the only one who appreciates their privacy.

Tell me I am not the only one who’s partner is their best friend.

Love

Emma xx

 

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Adventure

Last weekend I spend some wonderful time with one of my closest friends and her little boy, just before Christmas they moved to the outskirts of London from Liverpool (and Scotland before that) and I was overjoyed that they are that little bit closer and we can spend more time together.

However, when we were planning my little overnight trip up there Vicky let me know that they were now a Vegan household (with the exception of Ernie on occasions), so it would be a meat free weekend! I wasn’t overly fussed and she was kind enough to buy a pint of normal milk so I didn’t have to drink other alternatives if I didn’t want to. When she first told me I thought ‘oooo that’s weird’, but after learning more about it and her reasons behind it and how much more healthier she feels since doing it, I can understand why people follow that way of eating.

However – is if for me? I am not sure, I know a dairy free diet for PCOS suffers is ideal so perhaps that element I could take up, but not eating meat – I just don’t know that I could make that commitment. We always have meat with every dinner and I am not sure how I could cope with making 2 meals every night as there is no way Matt could give up meat.

We went on an adventure on Saturday to Windsor and spent time exploring the Castle with Ernie which was fabulous! We even got to see where Prince Harry & Meghan are getting married and hosting their reception, which was pretty cool. The castle itself is stunning and Ernie was happy to tell both Vicky and I off for taking photographs when it’s very clear that no photography is allowed.

When we stopped for a bit to eat and a coffee, I was surprised at just how easy it is for Vicky to choose something vegan friendly. We took a little break in EAT and with fruit, nuts and crisps on offer Vicky was able to pick from an abundance of things to chose from including a Soya Latte. However, with me on slimming world it was more difficult my only options was a fruit pot and herbal tea if I wanted to keep my choices free of syns (I didn’t – I went for a Chai Latte & Granola Bar!), so I found myself more restricted than she was.

After a look round the shops we headed home via Tesco to pick up some snacks for when Ernie went to bed. Vicky let me know that we had Pizza for tea with picky bits and chips which I was overjoyed at – but none of it was syn free – however all of it is suitable for Vegans. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not saying everyone should follow the Slimming World plan, however it has made me see that it is really restrictive in certain situations and questioning is it the right thing for me? Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to eat Pizza and Chips every night (ok, I am lying I do), but perhaps I need to look at what I am choosing on Slimming World and reinvent the wheel a little bit.

My focus has been on syns and not on how much free food I can have, which we all know the more we focus on free food then less we need the syns. So although the Vegan diet isn’t necessarily one for me, it has led me to consider my own choices and look at what I am fuelling my body with.

Mine and Vicky’s days of booze and a cheeseboard when Ernie has gone to bed may be reduced now, but we can still spend hours chatting over bubbles and enjoy each other’s company. I am really looking forward to spending more time with her now she is down south for a while until her next adventure takes her away again!

Brunch Club

Hayley, Carla & I had our first brunch club of the year last weekend and it was great to catch up, I shared my plans for my 30th Birthday celebrations, Carla gave us some updates on her new job and wedding plans & Hayley (our budding photographer), shared updates on her recent bookings and her plans for my 30th Birthday gift! It was great to have some girly time and some good food!

Our venue of choice this month was Salt Cafe in Portchester Marina, a lovely little cafe on the waterfront – I had heard about it through friends on dog walks and I can imagine its a beautiful place to stop in the summer and watch the boats go by.

We got there just after 9am, so brunch was more breakfast this time, as Carla had work in the afternoon. We sat down and checked out the menu, I was still struggling a bit with a hangover and needed a cold drink so I chose Orange Juice, as did Carla – Hayley treated herself with an Elderflower Presse and a Latte!

Our minds then turned to food, I chose Welsh Rarebit with a fried egg and vine tomatoes, Hayley picked the overnight oats with peanut butter and maple syrup, whilst Carla had what looked like the best Egg, Sausage & Bacon sandwich I have ever seen. I came away stuffed and the walk back to Carla’s was quite nice after a filling breakfast.

We were there for about 2 hours and there was a constant stream of people in and out, a very bustling little cafe. There was even people sat outside with hot drinks, blankets and their pooches! I didnt get a snap, but just as you walked in the door they had ready filled hot water bottles for you to take outside on colder days – how lovely is that!

So, if your in the Portsmouth area and fancy a little treat in a place where you can sit and watch the world go by, head to the Salt Cafe – you wont go wrong!

Love

Emma x

Parties

Wow, can you believe I went to 2 Christmas parties at the weekend and its not even December! It has kick started the festive season off nicely as I now have at least 1 Christmas event each week in the lead up to the big day and I cannot wait!

With that said, this weekends events all revolved around work. Spending time with old friends and celebrating with the current teams! It was great to let my hair down after a busy year and just enjoy getting dressed up, eating food and drinking plenty!

Anyway I wanted to share some pictures with you from my Friday night. Some of you will know that my boss of almost 9 years left the company in April. She grew to be more than just a boss and I am confident that my fellow work buddies and I have missed having her around daily on more than 5 occasions since she left. A month or so ago, we were struggling with various different things and decided that a girls night at Sue’s was just what we needed. So the date was set and we all ended our Friday at work excited for all the food and drink that would be consumed! It was so nice to be around each other again and just enjoy each others company. I haven’t managed to see Sue as much as I would have liked to since April, but she is still an important part of who I have become.

Thank You Sue for a wonderful night!

Friendships

A couple of months ago, for those of you that follow my story will know that I attended my 3rd Liberty Shoot (you can read about it here) and loved every second of it.

I didn’t know anyone, so was forced to make conversation with other women and naturally provide support and encouragement, its just what happens on a shoot, you realise that as women we are there to help, guide and nurture each other not tear each other down.

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Anyway, all of the ladies that I met that day were battling their own demons and I can honestly say they all inspired me in their own way. However, I never expected to see or talk to them again, unless it was another shoot.

I posted my pics in our group and spoke about how much I loved them and what I got from the experience on the beach. I was really shocked to then see a friend request come through on Facebook from Charlotte, one of the ladies I had met that day. We exchanged messages for a while, before we decided we were going to meet up, dates changed due to other things going on but we eventually met up earlier in the week.

I was incredibly nervous the whole day, when you meet someone new and form a friendship as an adult its usually through mutual friends or you become friends through work or children etc. its not often that you meet someone randomly and then arrange to meet for a drink.

On the way I was giving myself a bit of a prep talk, not to be boring, remember to ask questions, not talk about myself too much and listen. Be an active listener.

I really didn’t need to worry, we got on really well, chatted for hours and it was just really natural. It didn’t feel forced and I had a really nice evening and came away feeling like I had made a new friend.

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We all go through seasons of our life where friendships change and it can be really easy to feel like you are alone and have no-one around you. However, I promise that if you just take a step back and look around, there will be people around you that are reaching out to you but you just cant see it because your chasing after a friend that isn’t being there for you.

I am not the most outgoing person and I definitely dont like to be the centre of attention and would prefer to be the care giver, the person that people come to with their problems rather than burden them with mine.

BUT I have learnt more recently that, those behaviours aren’t healthy and that isn’t allowing me to get fulfillment from my friendships. I need people to be there for me too, but I dont allow that. So I am actively trying to change that and whilst it may be difficult for me to open up, I know that it will be ok and I will feel happier.

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I guess what I am trying to say is, yes its weird making new friends as adults, but people come into our lives for a reason. I am not sure what the reason is that Charlotte & I have crossed paths and often you never find out, but I am looking forward to a new friendship and all the fun times that brings!

Emma xxx

Lavender Brunch

It was Brunch Club today with Hayley and Carla! This time was Hayley’s choice of Long Barn just off the A31. Long Barn grows Lavender as well as selling a vast range of products as well, if you were to ask me to describe the venue its almost a garden centre, cross cafe, cross unique shop – it really is something I have never really experienced before.

 

As I pulled into the car park, straight away I was taken aback by how modern but yet, held a country shop vibe it just looked really welcoming! My tummy was rumbling, so I requested we eat first then explore the shop and grounds! We found a seat in the barn and it was just gorgeous, all the seats were like recycled, antique looking metal garden chairs with big chunky wood tables. There was a lot of greenery and just felt really natural and organic.

 

We took a look at the menu, but after walking past the abundance of cake (I didn’t get a snap of that!), I knew it was going to be a case of cake for brunch for me! Luckily I wasn’t on my own and both Hayley and Carla joined me! So what did we have?

Carla had a lovely hot chocolate with loads of mini marshmallows, accompanied by a bakewell slice. Hayley tucked into a coffee with a generous slice of passion fruit & banana gluten free cake. For me, it was a mocha with a chewy pecan slice HEAVEN! We all tucked in a enjoyed our cake breakfast, there was plenty more on offer – but can resist a cake?! We, as always talked for ages about everything from the list of brunch idea’s Hayley has, to Christmas gifts, to Carla’s wedding plans. Its always lovely to spend some time catching up with these ladies!

 

Once we have chewed each others ears off, we took off to explore and found some really cool things! Take a look at some of the snaps I took!

 

So! If your stuck for something to do of a weekend and want somewhere new to explore, head over to Long Barn. They are really welcoming the cake is INSANELY good and the grounds are lovely – I would love to see it when the Lavender is in full bloom!

 

Love

Emma xxx

Brunch Club!

It was a beautiful sunny sunday morning….my alarm went off before 8 am…..‘why?!’ I asked myself ‘why is my alarm going off’. Then I remembered. 

The night before I thought I would go to the gym first thing. It didnt happen

The reason going to the gym was such a good plan, is because its brunch day! That normally means yummy coffee and something naughty! Hayley and I have been doing brunch on and off since the start of the year and today we invited our friend Carla to join our club! 

Todays venue was T & Thistle in Southsea, about a 20min journey from my home, so not too far! After a strange tour by my satnav (I am not great driving in Portsmouth!) I arrived and the girls were already inside. It was so quiet, I got myself a latte and we started a 3hr chatathon!

The coffee was amazing – I couldn’t help myself and got a mocha when we ordered our food! I went for Eggs Florentine and they were gorgeous. I love eggs and I so wish I could poach eggs, so they are always a real treat. Although I was really torn between that and a bagel, so maybe that will have to be saved for next time! Hayley also had eggs and Carla went for crumpets. 

It was really nice to spend sunday morning with the girls and finding out about each others plans and just generally chatting and taking it easy! It wasn’t massively expensive either, I spent around £12 for 2 coffees and food which is perfect for when your on a tight budget. 

As we were starting to get ready to head out our thoughts turned to our next date! We have planned it for September and our venue choice is Longbarn. So a bit of a drive but hopefully completely worth it! 

Are you based in Hampshire and have a recommendation for brunch? Please let me know!

Emma xxx