Fear

So you will need to be patient with me over the next few weeks/months as after every liberty shoot I realise something new about myself and learn things that inspire how I look at the world and how I can improve and grow myself. The best way for me to say this and for it to register is to write it down. So you may see a few blogs over the next few weeks, or you might not, this might be the only thing I took away!

During our circle of trust, the amazing Jen said something that at the time didn’t really mean anything to me, but over the past few days it’s started to…….

Those who fear something the most are the ones who should do it the most.

Initially, I thought I didn’t fear anything and I am quite happy to give anything a go. Well that is a big fat lie. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 things that I fear doing…..

1. Going to a group  class at the gym

2. Travelling to Asia (backpacking)

3. Skydiving

So you might be reading those and thinking really? Is that all you fear? No, it’s not all I fear – there is so much more I fear, but those things are all personal to me and my journey of improving my confidence and feeling secure in myself and who I am as a person. Those are things that I want to work on and continue to work on privately, because we don’t have to share everything you know!

So thinking about those wise words in the circle of trust and the fact that this is the last year of my 20’s, I feel like I need to own it and not let fear win. If I continue to let fear win, then how to expect to be able to grow and improve myself in other areas? I won’t, because this will always be in the back of my mind and I will always think that I can’t do it, when in fact as one of my Aunties has always told me….

There is no such word as can’t.

So, I sat Matt down and told him that I want to conquer some of these fears that I have and I want to experience something new and do things outside of my comfort zone.

Matt has always wanted to go to Asia, predominately Thailand or Vietnam but I have always been so reluctant because I dont want to back pack. If I am on holiday I want 1 place as our base and then explore from there. I am fearful that I will get lost or there wont be anywhere to stay if we have nothing booked. But where is the adventure in playing safe? So this weekend we are doing some researching! I’m not sure what we are going to do, but I am thinking potentially for us to stay in hostels to make it cheap and affordable. It is totally out of my comfort zone BUT that is when life starts isn’t it? The more I have been looking at both countries the more the thought of an adventure starts to get appealing – I had never thought of going to some of the places we have been but they have ended up being some the BEST places I have been too!

Next, is Skydiving – why would anyone want to chuck themselves out of a plane? Because of the adrenaline and the views and just the fact that you can say you DID IT! I brought Matt a skydive a few years ago and he loved it and has always joked that he would buy me one and I have always said I would never do it. Then when i told him about this he told me he brought me one for Christmas!! What am I so afraid of? I am not scared of heights, I enjoy flying, I like nice views and I have conquered a zip wire in Mexico which was 45 metres above ground and so so so scary, but I did it. So with that in mind, I am going to book it and do it BUT with a twist (although Matt thinks I should just do it for me!). I am going to do it for charity, so other people benefit from my experience too. I have thought long and hard about what charity I want to raise funds for and I have decided to do it for Cancer Research.  There are a lot of reasons why this charity was my front runner that I won’t go into, but the fact that more people are surviving cancer than dying because of it now just proves how important that research is. I will share the link in another post!

Lastly, one I need to conquer on my own. Group classes at the gym. I enjoy the gym when I go, I have a little routine but in reality its not doing anything for me and I know people rave about group classes so I want to do it. Why aren’t I? Because I worry about how unfit I am, I dont want to be the one at the back that is sweating like a loon and cant keep up. I want to go into a class and do it with ease. In reality that will never happen, I need to suck it up and do it – stop making excuses and just own it. I know once I have done it I will enjoy it and want to go back. Its just plucking up that courage. This is what i fear the most. So going by Jen’s advice, this I what I need to do more than the other 2. I have been looking at the gym classes and I have decided I am going to give Zumba a go on a Sunday. I might not like it and I might never go again…..on the flip side I might LOVE it and then go every week and this may just be the kick start to an incredible weight loss journey!

So…..there you have it. I am branching out of my comfort zone all thanks to a little bit of confidence from a photo shoot. How insane is that! 

Love

Emma xx

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Our Tribe

2nd July 2017

I did it again! This week I signed up for my 3rd Liberty Shoot with Dimples & Daisies, the wonderful Jen posted on her facebook about a Tribal Art Liberty Shoot in September and again without hesitation, I had confirmed my spot on the shoot. So, here we go a countdown to my next Liberty Shoot, well it would be rude not, it has become a sort of tradition!

9th September 2017

Wow this blog has a lot going on hahahaa! I guess I haven’t really thought about it too much, I am not worried about my weight nor how I look. I have been thinking about going to this shoot natural, so not waxing my “beard” and just being me as I am……I’m not saying its going to happen BUT I am thinking about it…..

25th September 2017

Well the planning and prepping for the shoot is going to shit. I’m not happy with my outfit choices, I feel like a fat lump. Not to mention I have shaving rash on my legs, my skin on my neck is all spotty from where I waxed (yep no beard!) and I still have no bloody clue what to do with my hair tomorrow morning.

Aside from all of that, I cannot flippin’ wait! Nervous? Yes, I always am – but I know this time tomorrow I will be BUZZIN’ and nothing in this world can beat that feeling.

26th September 2017

SHOOT DAY! I had such a FANTASTIC day, it was just such a boost of my confidence and I loved every second. But today wasn’t just about me, it was about the 6 other women too that were on the shoot with me. It was so refreshing to hear and see other women building each other up! Check out my previous post here for more about this!

Aaaah What A Sexy Dressing Gown!

3rd October 2017

At lunch I get a message from the D&D Team letting me know my photo’s will be ready by next Tuesday to view! I am in shock at how quick the turnaround is – there have been no previews on their page yet so I have no idea what to expect. Nerves start to kick in. I reply arranging date/time but concerned that it wont be Holly showing me my photos. I am not sure how I feel about someone else showing my my shots, she has always shown me my photos and I think I would feel uncomfortable if it was anyone else. BUT it is Holly and instantly I feel fine again! Matt has said he will come with me this time if he is back from work in time, I secretly hope he wont be but am looking forward to his reaction if he is!

8th October 2017

Only a couple of days until I get my pictures! Although, since the shoot I am already feeling renewed, a change has come over me, I want to stop being so planned, so organised. I want to say YES more, I want to just follow the journey that life is set out. I just want to enjoy being here more. I have started to think about things that I am fearful of and how I can overcome that. This blog started because I had a bucket list and wanted to do things outside of my comfort zone, its about time that I stopped pussy footing around and did it! Honestly, I am not sure if its the shoots or the girls but something gets stirred up inside your soul each time and you just feel invincible to the world.

10th October 2017

Collection day! Last night I posted in the liberty shoot group to see if anyone has had their photos back…..I am THE FIRST! How bloody special do I feel!

11th October 2017

Oh. My. Life. I am just walking on sunshine. Last night for the 3rd time I couldn’t believe the images I were being shown was me! Lets set the scene….we were running what I thought was late, couldn’t remember how to get to Holly’s house so I was having a bit of a meltdown. BUT we go there – I was early (phew), couldn’t find a space to park the car, so I jumped out the car and Matt hunted for a space. Holly greeted me with a massive smile as always and we started to look through them straight away – I was just shocked with how confident I looked and just how content I came across. Honestly, I can remember the day and how great the girls say I look BUT you just never believe it. But I am learning to! Sooo here is a couple of photo’s that I am able to share as some are just far toooo nakie!!!

If you are looking for a safe place to be around women and you need some strength, want to release or just want a boost to your confidence. Book onto a liberty shoot, it is a safe environment where women are encouraged to share and feel comfortable and just be them. I have learnt so much about myself over the past 3 years and I firmly believe that this is down to Jen & Holly and the awesome company they have built!

Love

Emma xxx

Women Against Women

Today, I had my 3rd Liberty shoot with Dimples & Daisies, I feel so liberated during and after these shoots AND my confidence is always elevated as well.

However, after my shoot and on the drive home, I started to think about how the day went and what I enjoyed most about today and for me, it was easy!

I am and have been for a long time someone who sits and takes in her surroundings and listens to figure out her place and then figure out where I fit in. Today, I did a lot of listening and do you know I what I heard? Women building each up, encouraging each other and just being kind and supportive. Do you know what that got me thinking?

Why Is This Not Normal?

We are all, as women, so insecure about everything, from the way we look right through to our careers, to how we raise our children and how we love our partners. Do you know why, its not because of our arch enemy The Man its because we are tearing each other down.

Why Are We Doing This?

Why as women has it become acceptable to question each other and judge each other? Why on earth cannot we not encourage and support each other? I have seen far too many women/girls/teens etc. judging others for the way they look, sound, dress etc. why does it matter?

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We need to learn to raise each other up and encourage each other and just be kind to one another. After all, dont we have enough to deal with in life, without knowing that our fellow women are ready to tear us down the minute they have the chance?

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Just STOP

Dear Emma,

You my dear are a planner & an organiser you have over the past 10 years decided you need to have some form of control over everything and have all things planned down to the last minute. The fact that Matt changing his mind at the last minute drives you insane proves this – to be honest how you cope with that I have no idea haha!

But you need to STOP.

All the best things that have happened to you have been unplanned and just happened. Shall we take a look at a few of these?

  • Meeting Matt…..we shall just leave it at that
  • The House…..planning to move out in 2017……2016 bit your ass with that one!
  • Your Job…..only stay there a year? Nearly 10 years later and several promotions your now a manager?
  • Your Holidays…..yes they have been planned to some extent, but there is always an element of spontaneity!
  • Your Friends……funny how those that you thought would be there till the end aren’t around any more.

I know its become normal for you to plan out every last bit of your life down to a tee AND you will waste hours planning trips that you then get really upset when plans change. Just Stop It.

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Start living in the moment, start enjoying day to day more – stop missing things BE PRESENT. Just let life take you on a journey and enjoy the ride. You are missing out on having fun because your constantly worrying about whats happening in the future.

I know its not going to be easy and its a big pattern to change, but you need to do it for your health. Your brain cant keep dealing with all the criticism that you put on yourself. And its CONSTANT. You do not need to compare your body, your beauty, your life, your relationship, your financial situation, your career to anyone else in the world. WHY? Because you are perfect the way you are and you need to accept your flaw, embrace them and just be true to yourself – sod what anyone else is doing that’s their life.

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Learn to be GRATEFUL and APPRECIATE everything you have and what you have achieved. Stop wanting more or wanting what others have, the grass is NOT always greener and remember that you only see what people want you to see. Do you post on social media when you have had a crap day or if you cant afford to go on that holiday that you have been hoping for? No, of course you dont, because you only want to share the good stuff with people EVERYONE ELSE IS THE SAME. 

So, stop worrying about your holiday next year, what colour your going to pain the hall, when your going to lower the garden, how you want your kitchen to look, what your going to do for your 30th birthday. You have just over 100 days left of 2017, why not just enjoy them?

Spend time with your friends, go on adventures with Matt, cook more, read more, smile more, laugh a lot.

Enjoy the last year of your 20’s. 

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Just be kind to yourself!

Love

Emma xx

Learning To Love Myself

1st June 2017

Walking through the doors of a local senior school, I feel numb. I know what to expect, I know the drill – but I don’t feel excited or nervous – perhaps overwhelmed by my sense of confidence and commitment. I take a seat in the new member area and Sharon makes her way over to greet me, like an old acquaintance she knows I have done this before and that I am sure I know what I doing. However, as not the only newbie that night, I listen to the new member chat intensely  ready to stay to image therapy and get weighed after. I committed to a 6 week countdown, saying to myself that every week during those 6 weeks I will lose weight, even its just 1/2lb each week it will be going in the right direction. So with a hope that the least I could lose would be 6lb I was happy. Standing on those black scales, I was filled with dread as I saw the number rise above what I thought I weighed. Being asked if that’s what you expected, I can’t imagine anyone ever says yes unless they have an understanding before. I think my response was like ‘urmmm, yeah? I am just pleased its a round figure!’ Yes, I smack bang on round stone marker (no, I am not sharing what one). Stepping off the scales and heading out confident that I do not want to ever go over that and to only go down I was determined and wrote every single thing down.

Yes, I was back at Slimming World.

8th June 2017

Stood in line waiting to pay, I text Matt telling him that I feel huge and that I dont think I have lost anything. However, he tries to reassure me, reminding me that I wrote everything down and that I have stuck to plan religiously so I will be fine. I stand on the scales……a new front number (I do a mini dance inside) then the lovely weigh ladies say ‘5 1/2lb off Emma – Well Done’. I think I must have had the biggest smile on my face EVER. I leave group adamant that I am going to get my half stone award the following week, thinking that perhaps 1 stone is achievable in 6 weeks?

15th June 2017

Had a weekend away with my sister in law a d we had a fantastic time – cocktails and yummy food what more could you ask for! So when I saw more weight drop off and the weigh ladies congratulate me on hitting my half stone with 2 1/2lb off!!! I was overjoyed, I was given not only my half stone award but slimmer of the week too! I was completely made up.

That’s 8lb in 2 weeks – not that I feel any different.

22nd June 2017

I have got complacent and started to sneak other food in, my dedication to the plan is slipping and so early in. That combined with the heat and my tablets making me feel unwell and suffering with awful headaches, I am really not confident when I walk through the doors. When the scales read just 1/2lb off I am disappointed. With myself. I know I should have tried to fight back and still gone to the gym, my body works best when dieting and exercising that’s well known with PCOS. I head home defeated by my own body and will for a better week next week.

8 1/2lb in 3 weeks.

29th June 2017

Another week of headaches and nausea and no exercise. I know I am due a gain, I have eaten more carbs this week hoping that might help my body to get to some normality. Another 1/2lb off. Another rubbish loss due to lack of commitment. I kick myself until Sharon tells the group I have done fantastically well with 9lb off in 4 weeks, that’s a little over 2lb a week. A steady weight loss. However, 1 more weigh in until my 6 weeks are up, only a miracle will get me 5lb off and I don’t think it will happen, but I commit to getting my butt to the gym and drinking more water.

9lb off in 4 weeks

6th July 2017

More exercise……less writing down…..resulted in a maintain. Feels ok, but need to better next week. My countdown has finished and I am tempted to book next week as holiday BUT I dont. I want a loss next week and must try harder – I want to go to Goodwood in a new stone bracket.

9lb off in 5 weeks.

20th July 2017

Not been weighed for 1 week, I know I will see a gain. I start to stress out about it on the Wednesday, but come Thursday lunchtime I am ok with it. I know I wont have put the full 9lb on, I know I will still be lighter than what I was a few weeks back. I brought a size 14 dress for Goodwood and the zip goes all the way up. I got this, I’m on my way. Stand on the scales….its a gain as I expected, 1.5lbs – not too bad, thats still 7lb off I am still half a stone lighter. This week the plan is to lose that and if I can a little bit more, go harder at the gym and be sensible with food choices.

7.5lb in 7 weeks

27th July 2017

I had a kebab last night……it was great! I love a nice kebab – day before weigh in, not our greatest idea but hey you only live once! So I get to weigh in, hoping I have lost some of what I put on last week……1lb OFF! WAHOOO! That’s good – I am almost back to where I was. However, I did have a non scale victory – I tried my bridesmaid dress on, its a petite 14…..it fit and zipped right up! WIN! I put on my black skinnys for the first time in a while & they aren’t tight! WIN! Now to make sure I keep losing a bit more weight and keep active at the gym. This “diet” isn’t a quick fix as when I hit where I want to be I then need to maintain it and dont slip back! Onwards and upwards for this week coming!

8.5lb in 8 weeks

3rd August 2017

I feel huge today, feeling unwell most of yesterday has led to feeling bloated a lot today. However, I pay for another 6 week countdown. That’s me committed to a weightloss each week – no excuses. For some reason this week I didn’t look in my book before stepping on the scales, completely unaware of what I weighed in at last week. I step on and see what I think is a humungous gain, for the wonderful weigh ladies to say ‘4lb off well done’. I think to say I was in a state of shock is a complete understatement. The only thing I did differently this week was write it down, good or bad it went on the food diary, that tool clearly works for me! I didn’t stay to group as had prep to do for goodwood and then find out I was Slimmer Of The Week for the 2nd time! Wahoo! On a mission to get my stone award next week!

12.5lb in 9 weeks

10th August 2017

It’s our anniversary and I decide to stay to group – we aren’t really celebrating until tomorrow night, so I allow myself an hour to myself and stay to Image Therapy for the first time in weeks. I put on 1lb, I am ok with that my weekend was completely off plan so I am pleased its just 1lb. My commitment for this week moving forward? To write it all down and come in with a loss…..I will get my 1 stone award by my Birthday!

11.5lb in 10 weeks

Soooo we are heading into the last week of August and my birthday is fast approaching! I wont have time to update this post with weigh in’s moving forward and as summer is almost over I felt now was a good time for this to go live!

The aim was never to be focused by how much I weigh and that is still the case. I don’t care about the number on the scales what I care about is how I feel and how this impact on my PCOS visual symptoms. Whilst I am not fully ok with how I look at the moment, I am starting to see subtle changes that is building my self esteem. I will get there and it will take time.

This is not a diet. I am changing my lifestyle and its a going to be a long journey but that’s ok.

Emma xx

Body Image!

Recently matt an I have found ourselves watching music channels and listening to music we grew up listening to…..dont get me wrong it can be very varied.

But tonight I was sat watching the Janet Jackson all for you video tonight thinking christ….she is thin there! Then I tried to remember back to when I first saw the video and I cant recall thinking anything about her weight, just how much I loved the track. Then we had a bit of the spice girls and the same thing happened…..

Favourite Janet Jackson Song

I am really struggling to comprehend how and when my brian got turned to mush and my first thought when listening to music has gone from thinking about the music to thinking about how thay person or group looks?! 

Why is that acceptable? Who cares how small or big someone is if they have a talent so great they have managed to rack up number one singles and albums or even smashing box office records?! 

I tell you where it came from. The media. It feeds us all postive and negative crap everyday. On one page it will be telling us to embrace our natural physiche and in the other it will be a pictures of up and coming trends NONE of which are regular sized women all smaller framed ladies. Then they have the audacity to praise companies who have “real” women representing thier brands!!! 

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!


Since when has it become acceptable to judge someone on their size? Why do advertisers and designers favour the slender frame? Surely they want to appeal to all women and promote a healthy body image to all women?! 
Do not even get me started on what this attitude must be doing to younger generations. 

A while ago I made decision to try really hard not to comment or judge people on thier weight, how they dress or how they look as is none of my business if someone has put on 2 stone in 2 months BUT I will praise someone if I know they are actively trying to amend thier appearance because they are unhappy. I would love to live in a world where we build each other, praise each other and accept people for who they are not how they look. 


So I ask of you, when you next turn to someone and go to say ooh she has put on weight or what is she wearing. Dont. You dont what that person is going through or if those jeans are the next size down from the ones they were in last week.

And for gods sake do not encourage our youngsters especially our girls to focus on how they look! Congratulate them for other things. Dont teach them the only way to get compliments is by how you look and what you wear. 

So please! Next time you start to judge others on their appearance, consider how you would feel if someone said the same things about you, your sister, your mother, your aunt, your cousin or even your daughter.

Emma x