Goals For 2018

Mid-December I found myself wanting to set myself some goals to achieve in 2018, not resolutions but things that I want to do to better myself, physically and mentally.

Whilst a lot of people will make resolutions, a lot will also not keep them and fail. I have never really set a resolution, not really, perhaps half-heartedly when I was younger and often said I want to lose weight or save more but like many I have never really kept to it.

However I want 2018 to be better, it’s the year I turn 30. I want to enjoy this year and I want to do things for me and to stop this horrible trait I seem to have picked up of putting others first and forgetting about me. I need to heed my own advice and do more things for me and learn to speak up and say that I am not happy or that I have been hurt.

So I have thought long and hard about the things I want to achieve in 2018 and thought I would share these with you and perhaps inspire you!

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Do More Writing. I love writing and always have done, its part of the reason why I blog. It keeps my mind focused and is a source of release for me. I have always been more creative that intellectual, always into music or reading (not so much art!) and I loved deciphering poetry at school as well. Over the past couple of years I have dabbled in story writing, just little chapters here and there when I have ideas, an avid daydreamer it’s a lovely way to bring stories to life. I would love to one day have something published, I am a long way from that, I am not where near being publish ready, but I want to write more, I want to get my stories out there, I want people to read more. So, my commitment to myself this year is to write. That might be blogs or stories but either way it’s about time that I started to do more of what I enjoy.

Read More. This really goes hand in hand with writing, I find the more I read the more inspired I am, it opens up my imagination and I drift off into another world. There is nothing I love more than to immerse myself into a good book, but I don’t give myself enough of a chance to do it. I am constantly checking my phone for social media updates or reading fake news, it doesn’t make my brain work and it doesn’t inspire my imagination. It’s easy and boring. So this year, I want to read more, I want to lose myself in worlds that talented authors have created, so send me your recommendations!

Be More Proactive. Last year I found myself waiting to be contacted by friends to meet up, not wanting to bother them in their busy lives to see if they have time for me. Then I would get upset if I hadn’t seen people for a long time or worse, I often got upset when I got let down at the last minute as I felt it was me that people didn’t want to see. However, I am starting to ignore the negative feelings that my brain keeps coming up with and remind myself that I am enough and if people don’t want to spend time with me then that is their loss. Although I am not an innocent party in this, as I mentioned above I don’t put myself out there as much as I could, so this year I am going to try to be more proactive put myself out there and arrange more things with my friends. Yes, it may mean I need to take some knock backs but with every knock back you just need to build yourself up stronger. So friends – be aware, I am coming for you!

Stay Healthy. I did a lot of work on myself in 2017 to kick start being healthier, I went back on Metformin to help with my PCOS and I started Slimming World to keep track of my weight. I am really pleased to say that I started 2018 lighter than my first weigh in back in June. I have lost weight, not enough that you would notice, but there has been a decent amount lost. However, my aim is not to lose weight, its to be healthy. So this year, I am going to try to be more active, I am not joining a gym or committing to exercising. However I might take a lunchtime stroll a few times a week, wear my fit bit more so I am aware of activity levels, keep going to slimming world, and drink more water. Those are all the bog standard things you can do, however I want to take care of my mental health too. I am not someone, to my knowledge, who suffers with depression however I have had panic attacks in the past. I just want to make sure that I am happy in my life and to do that sometimes you have to check out mentally. So I am going to take breaks from social media throughout the year, I am going to stop taking my phone to bed and buy an alarm clock, write thank you cards and finally recognize things that I am grateful for.

What are your goals for 2018?

Love

Emma xxx

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Be Healthy. Not Skinny.

Today this picture came up on my time-hop thing on Facebook….

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Initially I thought WOW I did so well on my weightloss journey then. Then over the day, my mind changed, my thoughts of these pictures changed.

  • Firstly, by December 2007 I was 3 stone lighter. The picture on the right in 2011, was after re-joining slimming world in 2010. This wasn’t a true reflection, it didn’t take me 4 years to go from left to right.
  • Secondly, in 2007, I didn’t think there was anything problem with my weight or how I looked. I was happy, until I saw a photo 10 times worse that that and realised I needed to do something.
  • Thirdly, in 2011 despite looking pretty healthy (back then I would have said thin), I still thought and felt that I looked like I did on the left.
  • Fourth, I am the same person in both of these photos. Same unhappiness about my weight, focused on a number on the scales not on the benefit to my health.

Right now, I think I am probably a stone lighter than the picture on the left, I would love to get back to the dress size on the right, although I keep thinking to myself if that was sustainable I wouldn’t be back on my slimming world journey.

Tonight, I put on 3lb and I am pissed. BUT it’s no-one else’s fault apart from my own. I have chosen not to go to the gym for 3 weeks, I have chosen not to be “on plan” for weeks. It is my choice. I can choose to let my weight continue to creep up, or I can do something about it.

I want to do something about it & if I write it down, it has to happen.

Tonight, I came back from group, I sat down and wrote down what I am going to eat for the next 7 days. I am going to stick to that and I should see a loss on those scales next week. I have researched classes at the gym and Tuesday is going to be my day, I am going to LBT AND Yoga and then I am also going to go to the gym every other week day morning. My weekends will be my break. My body needs good fuel and exercise to work properly, I know this and I know that I am stopping my body from working correctly.

So. As of tomorrow back on plan, back on an aim and just a kick start to get healthy!

Love

Emma x

Fear

So you will need to be patient with me over the next few weeks/months as after every liberty shoot I realise something new about myself and learn things that inspire how I look at the world and how I can improve and grow myself. The best way for me to say this and for it to register is to write it down. So you may see a few blogs over the next few weeks, or you might not, this might be the only thing I took away!

During our circle of trust, the amazing Jen said something that at the time didn’t really mean anything to me, but over the past few days it’s started to…….

Those who fear something the most are the ones who should do it the most.

Initially, I thought I didn’t fear anything and I am quite happy to give anything a go. Well that is a big fat lie. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 things that I fear doing…..

1. Going to a group  class at the gym

2. Travelling to Asia (backpacking)

3. Skydiving

So you might be reading those and thinking really? Is that all you fear? No, it’s not all I fear – there is so much more I fear, but those things are all personal to me and my journey of improving my confidence and feeling secure in myself and who I am as a person. Those are things that I want to work on and continue to work on privately, because we don’t have to share everything you know!

So thinking about those wise words in the circle of trust and the fact that this is the last year of my 20’s, I feel like I need to own it and not let fear win. If I continue to let fear win, then how to expect to be able to grow and improve myself in other areas? I won’t, because this will always be in the back of my mind and I will always think that I can’t do it, when in fact as one of my Aunties has always told me….

There is no such word as can’t.

So, I sat Matt down and told him that I want to conquer some of these fears that I have and I want to experience something new and do things outside of my comfort zone.

Matt has always wanted to go to Asia, predominately Thailand or Vietnam but I have always been so reluctant because I dont want to back pack. If I am on holiday I want 1 place as our base and then explore from there. I am fearful that I will get lost or there wont be anywhere to stay if we have nothing booked. But where is the adventure in playing safe? So this weekend we are doing some researching! I’m not sure what we are going to do, but I am thinking potentially for us to stay in hostels to make it cheap and affordable. It is totally out of my comfort zone BUT that is when life starts isn’t it? The more I have been looking at both countries the more the thought of an adventure starts to get appealing – I had never thought of going to some of the places we have been but they have ended up being some the BEST places I have been too!

Next, is Skydiving – why would anyone want to chuck themselves out of a plane? Because of the adrenaline and the views and just the fact that you can say you DID IT! I brought Matt a skydive a few years ago and he loved it and has always joked that he would buy me one and I have always said I would never do it. Then when i told him about this he told me he brought me one for Christmas!! What am I so afraid of? I am not scared of heights, I enjoy flying, I like nice views and I have conquered a zip wire in Mexico which was 45 metres above ground and so so so scary, but I did it. So with that in mind, I am going to book it and do it BUT with a twist (although Matt thinks I should just do it for me!). I am going to do it for charity, so other people benefit from my experience too. I have thought long and hard about what charity I want to raise funds for and I have decided to do it for Cancer Research.  There are a lot of reasons why this charity was my front runner that I won’t go into, but the fact that more people are surviving cancer than dying because of it now just proves how important that research is. I will share the link in another post!

Lastly, one I need to conquer on my own. Group classes at the gym. I enjoy the gym when I go, I have a little routine but in reality its not doing anything for me and I know people rave about group classes so I want to do it. Why aren’t I? Because I worry about how unfit I am, I dont want to be the one at the back that is sweating like a loon and cant keep up. I want to go into a class and do it with ease. In reality that will never happen, I need to suck it up and do it – stop making excuses and just own it. I know once I have done it I will enjoy it and want to go back. Its just plucking up that courage. This is what i fear the most. So going by Jen’s advice, this I what I need to do more than the other 2. I have been looking at the gym classes and I have decided I am going to give Zumba a go on a Sunday. I might not like it and I might never go again…..on the flip side I might LOVE it and then go every week and this may just be the kick start to an incredible weight loss journey!

So…..there you have it. I am branching out of my comfort zone all thanks to a little bit of confidence from a photo shoot. How insane is that! 

Love

Emma xx

Our Tribe

2nd July 2017

I did it again! This week I signed up for my 3rd Liberty Shoot with Dimples & Daisies, the wonderful Jen posted on her facebook about a Tribal Art Liberty Shoot in September and again without hesitation, I had confirmed my spot on the shoot. So, here we go a countdown to my next Liberty Shoot, well it would be rude not, it has become a sort of tradition!

9th September 2017

Wow this blog has a lot going on hahahaa! I guess I haven’t really thought about it too much, I am not worried about my weight nor how I look. I have been thinking about going to this shoot natural, so not waxing my “beard” and just being me as I am……I’m not saying its going to happen BUT I am thinking about it…..

25th September 2017

Well the planning and prepping for the shoot is going to shit. I’m not happy with my outfit choices, I feel like a fat lump. Not to mention I have shaving rash on my legs, my skin on my neck is all spotty from where I waxed (yep no beard!) and I still have no bloody clue what to do with my hair tomorrow morning.

Aside from all of that, I cannot flippin’ wait! Nervous? Yes, I always am – but I know this time tomorrow I will be BUZZIN’ and nothing in this world can beat that feeling.

26th September 2017

SHOOT DAY! I had such a FANTASTIC day, it was just such a boost of my confidence and I loved every second. But today wasn’t just about me, it was about the 6 other women too that were on the shoot with me. It was so refreshing to hear and see other women building each other up! Check out my previous post here for more about this!

Aaaah What A Sexy Dressing Gown!

3rd October 2017

At lunch I get a message from the D&D Team letting me know my photo’s will be ready by next Tuesday to view! I am in shock at how quick the turnaround is – there have been no previews on their page yet so I have no idea what to expect. Nerves start to kick in. I reply arranging date/time but concerned that it wont be Holly showing me my photos. I am not sure how I feel about someone else showing my my shots, she has always shown me my photos and I think I would feel uncomfortable if it was anyone else. BUT it is Holly and instantly I feel fine again! Matt has said he will come with me this time if he is back from work in time, I secretly hope he wont be but am looking forward to his reaction if he is!

8th October 2017

Only a couple of days until I get my pictures! Although, since the shoot I am already feeling renewed, a change has come over me, I want to stop being so planned, so organised. I want to say YES more, I want to just follow the journey that life is set out. I just want to enjoy being here more. I have started to think about things that I am fearful of and how I can overcome that. This blog started because I had a bucket list and wanted to do things outside of my comfort zone, its about time that I stopped pussy footing around and did it! Honestly, I am not sure if its the shoots or the girls but something gets stirred up inside your soul each time and you just feel invincible to the world.

10th October 2017

Collection day! Last night I posted in the liberty shoot group to see if anyone has had their photos back…..I am THE FIRST! How bloody special do I feel!

11th October 2017

Oh. My. Life. I am just walking on sunshine. Last night for the 3rd time I couldn’t believe the images I were being shown was me! Lets set the scene….we were running what I thought was late, couldn’t remember how to get to Holly’s house so I was having a bit of a meltdown. BUT we go there – I was early (phew), couldn’t find a space to park the car, so I jumped out the car and Matt hunted for a space. Holly greeted me with a massive smile as always and we started to look through them straight away – I was just shocked with how confident I looked and just how content I came across. Honestly, I can remember the day and how great the girls say I look BUT you just never believe it. But I am learning to! Sooo here is a couple of photo’s that I am able to share as some are just far toooo nakie!!!

If you are looking for a safe place to be around women and you need some strength, want to release or just want a boost to your confidence. Book onto a liberty shoot, it is a safe environment where women are encouraged to share and feel comfortable and just be them. I have learnt so much about myself over the past 3 years and I firmly believe that this is down to Jen & Holly and the awesome company they have built!

Love

Emma xxx

PCOS Update

Thought it was about time I updated you on the ongoing battle that is PCOS, I cant remember the last time I wrote about it…maybe a month or 2 ago?

Anyway, nothing drastic has changed I am still on Metformin, no more horribly sick feelings (unless I eat too much dairy) and the headaches have gone (that could be because I need to wear glasses now) and the weight is slowly going off. That could be a mixture of things, the tablets or the diet, either way its a win.

However, the horrible side effects/symptoms are still here; the excess hair, the mood swings & the thinning hair are among just a few of them. With that said, I feel like I am kinda owning it at the moment, I feel like I have started to accept that this is me – in reality I am going to be living with PCOS forever. Yes, if my weight goes down then my symptoms do reduce so I know what I need to do to help myself.

I can’t remember where I was or who I was speaking with but they told me that when you get to your 30’s and upwards you start to be more accepting of yourself. I feel like I am starting to get to that point. For a long time I have joked about not caring about what anyone else thinks, when of course I always did. Recently though, I have found myself thinking that as long as I am happy and Matt still finds me attractive then sod what anyone else thinks.

Really, what does it matter. Who cares if people think your not “on trend” with your clothes choice, or your hair style isn’t current. The best accessory you can wear is your smile and you will only smile when you are happy with yourself and surrounded by those you love and make you happy. Stop wasting time surrounded by people who make you feel inadequate and make you unhappy. Life is far too short and you should spend it doing things that you love.

So yes, my PCOS is still here and do you know what? It always will be! BUT that is ok; it doesn’t define me, it isn’t who I am. Something that I always felt was a negative in my life and I have used as an excuse to hide away and be ashamed of myself, why?!

I am on a journey to reach an “ideal weight” and I will get there, but I am going to enjoy myself on the way. So although my Slimming World consultant might secretly judge me for the fact that I enjoy a takeaway or a night out every other week and that my weight isn’t going down as much as others. I dont flippin’ care. I am going to be trying to lose weight for as long as it takes me & as long as I can still run at the gym and can still do up my skinny jeans then I am happy!

The lesson we all need to learn, just be comfortable with you.

This Is A Tipsy Me, Happy To Have An Ice Lolly, At Goodwood With Family. But Most Of All – I Am HAPPY!

Love

Emma xxx

 

Women Against Women

Today, I had my 3rd Liberty shoot with Dimples & Daisies, I feel so liberated during and after these shoots AND my confidence is always elevated as well.

However, after my shoot and on the drive home, I started to think about how the day went and what I enjoyed most about today and for me, it was easy!

I am and have been for a long time someone who sits and takes in her surroundings and listens to figure out her place and then figure out where I fit in. Today, I did a lot of listening and do you know I what I heard? Women building each up, encouraging each other and just being kind and supportive. Do you know what that got me thinking?

Why Is This Not Normal?

We are all, as women, so insecure about everything, from the way we look right through to our careers, to how we raise our children and how we love our partners. Do you know why, its not because of our arch enemy The Man its because we are tearing each other down.

Why Are We Doing This?

Why as women has it become acceptable to question each other and judge each other? Why on earth cannot we not encourage and support each other? I have seen far too many women/girls/teens etc. judging others for the way they look, sound, dress etc. why does it matter?

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We need to learn to raise each other up and encourage each other and just be kind to one another. After all, dont we have enough to deal with in life, without knowing that our fellow women are ready to tear us down the minute they have the chance?

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Just STOP

Dear Emma,

You my dear are a planner & an organiser you have over the past 10 years decided you need to have some form of control over everything and have all things planned down to the last minute. The fact that Matt changing his mind at the last minute drives you insane proves this – to be honest how you cope with that I have no idea haha!

But you need to STOP.

All the best things that have happened to you have been unplanned and just happened. Shall we take a look at a few of these?

  • Meeting Matt…..we shall just leave it at that
  • The House…..planning to move out in 2017……2016 bit your ass with that one!
  • Your Job…..only stay there a year? Nearly 10 years later and several promotions your now a manager?
  • Your Holidays…..yes they have been planned to some extent, but there is always an element of spontaneity!
  • Your Friends……funny how those that you thought would be there till the end aren’t around any more.

I know its become normal for you to plan out every last bit of your life down to a tee AND you will waste hours planning trips that you then get really upset when plans change. Just Stop It.

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Start living in the moment, start enjoying day to day more – stop missing things BE PRESENT. Just let life take you on a journey and enjoy the ride. You are missing out on having fun because your constantly worrying about whats happening in the future.

I know its not going to be easy and its a big pattern to change, but you need to do it for your health. Your brain cant keep dealing with all the criticism that you put on yourself. And its CONSTANT. You do not need to compare your body, your beauty, your life, your relationship, your financial situation, your career to anyone else in the world. WHY? Because you are perfect the way you are and you need to accept your flaw, embrace them and just be true to yourself – sod what anyone else is doing that’s their life.

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Learn to be GRATEFUL and APPRECIATE everything you have and what you have achieved. Stop wanting more or wanting what others have, the grass is NOT always greener and remember that you only see what people want you to see. Do you post on social media when you have had a crap day or if you cant afford to go on that holiday that you have been hoping for? No, of course you dont, because you only want to share the good stuff with people EVERYONE ELSE IS THE SAME. 

So, stop worrying about your holiday next year, what colour your going to pain the hall, when your going to lower the garden, how you want your kitchen to look, what your going to do for your 30th birthday. You have just over 100 days left of 2017, why not just enjoy them?

Spend time with your friends, go on adventures with Matt, cook more, read more, smile more, laugh a lot.

Enjoy the last year of your 20’s. 

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Just be kind to yourself!

Love

Emma xx