So you will need to be patient with me over the next few weeks/months as after every liberty shoot I realise something new about myself and learn things that inspire how I look at the world and how I can improve and grow myself. The best way for me to say this and for it to register is to write it down. So you may see a few blogs over the next few weeks, or you might not, this might be the only thing I took away!
During our circle of trust, the amazing Jen said something that at the time didn’t really mean anything to me, but over the past few days it’s started to…….
Those who fear something the most are the ones who should do it the most.
Initially, I thought I didn’t fear anything and I am quite happy to give anything a go. Well that is a big fat lie. As I write this, I can think of at least 3 things that I fear doing…..
1. Going to a group class at the gym
2. Travelling to Asia (backpacking)
So you might be reading those and thinking really? Is that all you fear? No, it’s not all I fear – there is so much more I fear, but those things are all personal to me and my journey of improving my confidence and feeling secure in myself and who I am as a person. Those are things that I want to work on and continue to work on privately, because we don’t have to share everything you know!
So thinking about those wise words in the circle of trust and the fact that this is the last year of my 20’s, I feel like I need to own it and not let fear win. If I continue to let fear win, then how to expect to be able to grow and improve myself in other areas? I won’t, because this will always be in the back of my mind and I will always think that I can’t do it, when in fact as one of my Aunties has always told me….
There is no such word as can’t.
So, I sat Matt down and told him that I want to conquer some of these fears that I have and I want to experience something new and do things outside of my comfort zone.
Matt has always wanted to go to Asia, predominately Thailand or Vietnam but I have always been so reluctant because I dont want to back pack. If I am on holiday I want 1 place as our base and then explore from there. I am fearful that I will get lost or there wont be anywhere to stay if we have nothing booked. But where is the adventure in playing safe? So this weekend we are doing some researching! I’m not sure what we are going to do, but I am thinking potentially for us to stay in hostels to make it cheap and affordable. It is totally out of my comfort zone BUT that is when life starts isn’t it? The more I have been looking at both countries the more the thought of an adventure starts to get appealing – I had never thought of going to some of the places we have been but they have ended up being some the BEST places I have been too!
Next, is Skydiving – why would anyone want to chuck themselves out of a plane? Because of the adrenaline and the views and just the fact that you can say you DID IT! I brought Matt a skydive a few years ago and he loved it and has always joked that he would buy me one and I have always said I would never do it. Then when i told him about this he told me he brought me one for Christmas!! What am I so afraid of? I am not scared of heights, I enjoy flying, I like nice views and I have conquered a zip wire in Mexico which was 45 metres above ground and so so so scary, but I did it. So with that in mind, I am going to book it and do it BUT with a twist (although Matt thinks I should just do it for me!). I am going to do it for charity, so other people benefit from my experience too. I have thought long and hard about what charity I want to raise funds for and I have decided to do it for Cancer Research. There are a lot of reasons why this charity was my front runner that I won’t go into, but the fact that more people are surviving cancer than dying because of it now just proves how important that research is. I will share the link in another post!
Lastly, one I need to conquer on my own. Group classes at the gym. I enjoy the gym when I go, I have a little routine but in reality its not doing anything for me and I know people rave about group classes so I want to do it. Why aren’t I? Because I worry about how unfit I am, I dont want to be the one at the back that is sweating like a loon and cant keep up. I want to go into a class and do it with ease. In reality that will never happen, I need to suck it up and do it – stop making excuses and just own it. I know once I have done it I will enjoy it and want to go back. Its just plucking up that courage. This is what i fear the most. So going by Jen’s advice, this I what I need to do more than the other 2. I have been looking at the gym classes and I have decided I am going to give Zumba a go on a Sunday. I might not like it and I might never go again…..on the flip side I might LOVE it and then go every week and this may just be the kick start to an incredible weight loss journey!
So…..there you have it. I am branching out of my comfort zone all thanks to a little bit of confidence from a photo shoot. How insane is that!
2nd July 2017
I did it again! This week I signed up for my 3rd Liberty Shoot with Dimples & Daisies, the wonderful Jen posted on her facebook about a Tribal Art Liberty Shoot in September and again without hesitation, I had confirmed my spot on the shoot. So, here we go a countdown to my next Liberty Shoot, well it would be rude not, it has become a sort of tradition!
9th September 2017
Wow this blog has a lot going on hahahaa! I guess I haven’t really thought about it too much, I am not worried about my weight nor how I look. I have been thinking about going to this shoot natural, so not waxing my “beard” and just being me as I am……I’m not saying its going to happen BUT I am thinking about it…..
25th September 2017
Well the planning and prepping for the shoot is going to shit. I’m not happy with my outfit choices, I feel like a fat lump. Not to mention I have shaving rash on my legs, my skin on my neck is all spotty from where I waxed (yep no beard!) and I still have no bloody clue what to do with my hair tomorrow morning.
Aside from all of that, I cannot flippin’ wait! Nervous? Yes, I always am – but I know this time tomorrow I will be BUZZIN’ and nothing in this world can beat that feeling.
26th September 2017
SHOOT DAY! I had such a FANTASTIC day, it was just such a boost of my confidence and I loved every second. But today wasn’t just about me, it was about the 6 other women too that were on the shoot with me. It was so refreshing to hear and see other women building each other up! Check out my previous post here for more about this!
3rd October 2017
At lunch I get a message from the D&D Team letting me know my photo’s will be ready by next Tuesday to view! I am in shock at how quick the turnaround is – there have been no previews on their page yet so I have no idea what to expect. Nerves start to kick in. I reply arranging date/time but concerned that it wont be Holly showing me my photos. I am not sure how I feel about someone else showing my my shots, she has always shown me my photos and I think I would feel uncomfortable if it was anyone else. BUT it is Holly and instantly I feel fine again! Matt has said he will come with me this time if he is back from work in time, I secretly hope he wont be but am looking forward to his reaction if he is!
8th October 2017
Only a couple of days until I get my pictures! Although, since the shoot I am already feeling renewed, a change has come over me, I want to stop being so planned, so organised. I want to say YES more, I want to just follow the journey that life is set out. I just want to enjoy being here more. I have started to think about things that I am fearful of and how I can overcome that. This blog started because I had a bucket list and wanted to do things outside of my comfort zone, its about time that I stopped pussy footing around and did it! Honestly, I am not sure if its the shoots or the girls but something gets stirred up inside your soul each time and you just feel invincible to the world.
10th October 2017
Collection day! Last night I posted in the liberty shoot group to see if anyone has had their photos back…..I am THE FIRST! How bloody special do I feel!
11th October 2017
Oh. My. Life. I am just walking on sunshine. Last night for the 3rd time I couldn’t believe the images I were being shown was me! Lets set the scene….we were running what I thought was late, couldn’t remember how to get to Holly’s house so I was having a bit of a meltdown. BUT we go there – I was early (phew), couldn’t find a space to park the car, so I jumped out the car and Matt hunted for a space. Holly greeted me with a massive smile as always and we started to look through them straight away – I was just shocked with how confident I looked and just how content I came across. Honestly, I can remember the day and how great the girls say I look BUT you just never believe it. But I am learning to! Sooo here is a couple of photo’s that I am able to share as some are just far toooo nakie!!!
If you are looking for a safe place to be around women and you need some strength, want to release or just want a boost to your confidence. Book onto a liberty shoot, it is a safe environment where women are encouraged to share and feel comfortable and just be them. I have learnt so much about myself over the past 3 years and I firmly believe that this is down to Jen & Holly and the awesome company they have built!
Thought it was about time I updated you on the ongoing battle that is PCOS, I cant remember the last time I wrote about it…maybe a month or 2 ago?
Anyway, nothing drastic has changed I am still on Metformin, no more horribly sick feelings (unless I eat too much dairy) and the headaches have gone (that could be because I need to wear glasses now) and the weight is slowly going off. That could be a mixture of things, the tablets or the diet, either way its a win.
However, the horrible side effects/symptoms are still here; the excess hair, the mood swings & the thinning hair are among just a few of them. With that said, I feel like I am kinda owning it at the moment, I feel like I have started to accept that this is me – in reality I am going to be living with PCOS forever. Yes, if my weight goes down then my symptoms do reduce so I know what I need to do to help myself.
I can’t remember where I was or who I was speaking with but they told me that when you get to your 30’s and upwards you start to be more accepting of yourself. I feel like I am starting to get to that point. For a long time I have joked about not caring about what anyone else thinks, when of course I always did. Recently though, I have found myself thinking that as long as I am happy and Matt still finds me attractive then sod what anyone else thinks.
Really, what does it matter. Who cares if people think your not “on trend” with your clothes choice, or your hair style isn’t current. The best accessory you can wear is your smile and you will only smile when you are happy with yourself and surrounded by those you love and make you happy. Stop wasting time surrounded by people who make you feel inadequate and make you unhappy. Life is far too short and you should spend it doing things that you love.
So yes, my PCOS is still here and do you know what? It always will be! BUT that is ok; it doesn’t define me, it isn’t who I am. Something that I always felt was a negative in my life and I have used as an excuse to hide away and be ashamed of myself, why?!
I am on a journey to reach an “ideal weight” and I will get there, but I am going to enjoy myself on the way. So although my Slimming World consultant might secretly judge me for the fact that I enjoy a takeaway or a night out every other week and that my weight isn’t going down as much as others. I dont flippin’ care. I am going to be trying to lose weight for as long as it takes me & as long as I can still run at the gym and can still do up my skinny jeans then I am happy!
The lesson we all need to learn, just be comfortable with you.
Matt worked all weekend, so I was ready for a weekend alone and felt that I needed a bit of an adventure, a bit of spontenatity in my life. Unfortnately my budget couldn’t quite stretch to a last minute trip to Disney (oh that will come one day), so I put out a plea on Facebook earlier in the week to see if any of my friends or family wanted an adventure day! Of course my cousin Trina was first to respond asking for me to take her with her wherever I end up!
Initially we were going to go to Blenheim Palace……but on Sunday morning as I picked her up, we changed our mind and ended up heading to Marwell Zoo! We are really lucky, its only a 30 minute drive from us, but for everyone else, its just off the M3 headed towards Winchester. We arrived just before opening at 10am and scouted out the website first to check out the animals and if there were any events on. Entry fee’s weren’t too expensive either, I paid £19 for an adult but as a student Trina got in for £16.50, these were still summer prices but between November and April those prices reduce too, which is even better! Of course the tickets include a donation as Marwell is actually a conservation charity too, so we were able to gift aid our tickets too!
We got in and straight away there is a stand for the kids to be Explorers for the day, a suggested donation of £1 gets them a book where you need to collect 9 stamps from around the park and if you hand it in at the end you get the chance to win annual membership for 2 adults and 2 children. We couldn’t say no! It was an adventure day after all and it made sure we saw everything at the Zoo – so if your headed there with kids definitely pick one up for them!
Luckily for us the Zoo was quite quiet and meant that we could just wander round at our own pace and not feel rushed at any of the animals! First up we checked out the Penguins, Flamingos and Cheetahs before headed to the Giraffes!
I am pretty sure my mum has a picture of us both stood outside the Giraffe house like this when we were little! How great do we look haha!
We had a great time at the Giraffe’s, just watching them and enjoying being close to them, they are incredibly tall!
We then just wandered round the Zoo taking it all in, enjoying listening to the fun things kids say and just generally chatting and catching up!
We had so many giggles walking round and just generally having a random day out, drinking coffee (hot chocolate in Trina’s case) and eating ice cream!
It was really nice and just a great spontaneous day out.
We I spend so much of time planning my life out and working out what I am going to do next, that its actually nice to just do something random and see where life takes me. I know we are quite a way off the New Year, but why do we need a new year to set resolutions! I want to say yes more, I want to be more spontaneous! Sod it! Lets go to Disney hahaha!
Recently I had the joy of spending some of a Saturday afternoon with a beautiful friend of mine that I don’t get to see as often as I would like. After catching up over a Starbucks we decided to have a mooch around the shops, our setting was Whiteley a lovely little outdoor shopping centre just off the M27 in Hampshire. With a range of high street stores, coffee shops, restaurants, a cinema and free parking for 4 hours you can’t go wrong!
We haven’t shopped together for a LOOOOOOONG time and it was lovely to (for me) do some window shopping! However, it mean that I have ended up with a wish list as long as my arm of things that I
want need to spend money (that I dont have) on!
So, I thought I would share with my current wish list, because it will continue to grow haha!
Recipe Book – Paperchase £6 – It’s perfect, it has space for the ingredients, the method and any notes you want to make, like its your partners favourite or if it was good to make when you had friends over!
Winter Coat – River Island £115 – I don’t need a winter coat, I need a transitional coat. BUT when I saw this my heart just skipped a beat it is BEAUTIFUL! However the price tag is slightly out of my league, that didn’t stop me trying it on & honestly if you need a new winter coat BUY IT.
Denim Pinafore – Topshop £36 – I have one similar from Primark in Black, but there is something about this one that I love and I feel its perfect for all seasons! I have never been a lover of Topshop as I have always felt too large for their clothes, but I would definitely consider making this purchase!
Chevron Leather Skirt – Marks & Spencer £27.50 – I love a skirt at winter, teamed up with tights boots and a nice top and this is perfect for that. I dont often shop at M&S for anything other than undies and good food, but perhaps I need to check them out more often!
It’s just a small list, but an expensive one! I doubt I will get any of these items – but a girl can dream right?
What have you got your eye on in the shops at the moment?