Normality

I am laid in bed TV on, watching my partner & baby girl sleep – life couldn’t feel more normal if it tried.

This weekend has been the first weekend in a long time that things have felt normal. We have spent time with friends & family, ate good food, had a sneaky glass of wine or 2 and enjoyed life as a family of 3.

We should have spent at least 1 day this weekend at Southsea Food Festival, it wasn’t meant to be this year. We did manage to have some quality family time at Southsea today though. We took Bella to 10th Hole, sat outside and enjoyed some lunch – it felt normal, even though there was social distancing measures in place (which I want to assure you we adhere to). We then took a stroll along the seafront, again keeping our distance but it felt GOOD. It felt nice to be out just us 3, in the sun, without a care in the world.

My friend asked me yesterday if I felt back to myself yet? I thought it was a strange question, but its played on my mind since and I wondered what that feeling of being back to myself was. Something has definitely felt different this week, I have felt more settled, more organised and a bit more in control of our weekday life. I have come to terms with the fact that my maternity leave isn’t going to be the way I thought, I am starting to soak up and enjoy it for what it is. So I don’t feel back to myself as myself is someone new, my priorities are different, my needs and wants are different, my body is different. I am however happy with the new me and what I can do, who I am and how my life had changed.

Our lives are different now, not just because we have had our gorgeous little girl, but because the world is different now. So for anyone going through big life changes at the moment, be a bit more kinder to yourself. You not only are having to learn how to live differently due to a global pandemic but you are also learning how to live differently due to life changes that are happening to you.

Emma xxx

Being A Mummy

So if you caught up with my recent blog posts you will know that I recently became a mummy (read all about it here). Its something that I thought I may never be and always wanted. However I won’t lie it hasn’t been the easiest, mainly I think due to the current pandemic the world is facing. It had left Matt and I with little to no support especially for the first couple of months which I know as a first time was really hard, in fact I think I will do a separate post on that.

Anyway! This blog post was birthed in the shower, where I think we all have our brilliant ideas. I was there, showering away thinking that I really need to do a deep clean of the bathroom & as its raining I could do that tomorrow as well as sort out little bear’s clothes she has grown out of and I just started creating myself a list. Then it struck me, hold on, I am expecting myself to be able to do all of that AND feed, play, nurture, basically keep my baby alive – what am I superwoman?!

That’s when it struck me; I am on maternity leave. I am off work to take care of my newborn baby, keep her safe and nurture her for the first year of her life. I am not a lady of leisure who doesn’t work and has all the hours to keep the house immaculate and have tea on the table each night, my job for 12 month’s is to look after our baby & anything else I can achieve I should see as a bonus.

For the past 2 months since Matt has been back to work, I have seen it as my duty, as I am home most of the day, to ensure; dinner is on the table, the washing is up to date, the washing up is done, the house is tidy – basically all the housework AND look after the baby. Do you know why? Because if I didn’t and I saw him doing the hoovering or washing I felt guilty like I wasn’t doing my fair share and had done nothing with my day. How ridiculous is that, looking after a newborn is hard enough as it is, but to put that expectation on myself too – no wonder I had felt useless on days where I could only manage to feed and change little bear.

It then made me wonder, what would I have been like if I could go to baby classes, take her swimming, just basically live a life with no covid. Would I be even more stressed, wanting to do all the things with her, then wanting to be the best housewife & beating myself up when I couldn’t do it all? Who knows, that life isn’t mine to have unfortunately, or fortunately!

I made the decision then, in that shower that from now on, I am going to ENJOY my maternity leave with my baby. I very much doubt that in her lifetime I will ever be able to spend a year solidly with her again. So I am going to soak up as much as I can, make the most of what we CAN do and not grieve any longer for what we CAN’T do. If I manage to do house work too then that is great, but if I don’t then it will have to wait another day. The important thing is to take care of our little bear, teach her things & help her grow.

So for all you other new mums out there, don’t think you have to be superwoman. You have got this time off to care for your baby NOT be a live in cleaner & nanny. Don’t set expectations that are unrealistic, enjoy spending time with your baby – you won’t get this time back, they are only little for so long – the washing will always be there!

Emma xxx

Happy 4th Of July

6 years ago I was sat in Carmel Indiana watching an independence day parade before going to a demolition derby and fireworks. I have such fond memories of celebrating July 4th and if I could spend every year in America celebrating I would. I hope one day Matt & I can take our little bear out there to celebrate so she can enjoy all the fun things – its such a shame we don’t have any celebrations like that in England.

Anyway! I thought this would be a great chance to dig out the photo album and reminisce of memories of all of my trips to the states over the years.

I have made so many great memories, I can’t wait to make more over the years, there are still so many places I can’t wait to explore in America!

Where are your favourite places to visit & where would you recommend? You can check out all my blogs of America by clicking here!

Emma x

Me

I often have written about my health, weight & relationships in this blog and I wanted to include an update on me upon my return.

At the moment I am feeling pretty good, I have recovered well from my c-section which I am really pleased about. Beforehand I was enjoying (weirdly) seeing my body perform “normally” and get my monthly visit from mother nature. I felt healthy and I feel good about how I was fuelling my body. Looking back I was actually really happy about how I looked and even managed to call target in the first 3 months of my pregnancy before piling all the weight on!

Its been 11 weeks since I have given birth and I am ready to kick start my weight loss so come the autumn I can fit into my jeans. Slimming World is my go to plan to help and their new app is pretty awesome! I don’t currently know how much I weigh, but that’s ok, I will be doing my inches until I can get to group and back on the scales. I want to go back on Metformin for my PCOS, but I need to speak with my GP – but with everything going on I feel like its really not that important!

So I touched upon starting counselling in one of my last posts. I found it so incredibly beneficial, I learnt a lot about what I think my role in relationships needs to be and why that is damaging me more than anything. As a result I created boundaries and even though its been hard to keep to them at times I do my best to. The feeling of not being good enough still creeps in from time to time, but I really try hard to put it to one side. I still at times struggle to open up and talk to people about me (weirdly this is fine haha!), but again that comes from the feeling of not being important/good enough. Some people pick up on it and actively ask me about things others don’t and will gladly allow conversations to be solely about them. Both are fine & I know that not every relationship will be the same.

During my pregnancy I took relaxation classes which were AMAZING (if you live in the Portsmouth area look up The Birth Tribe). I honestly left every session chilled out, informed and had a great nights sleep. I definitely want to try to start building meditation into my weekly routine – help me to feel a bit more grounded and process things.

Overall I am feeling good. I am a new me, a mother now. I want to be the best version of me for my little bear, I want her to look at her mama and have the best role model. I want her to feel safe in her home and know that she can be open about anything and know that her dad & I won’t judge, be angry, be disappointed or upset, I want her to know that we will support her, guide her, help her and love her unconditionally.

I am still on a journey to self love, but having my little bestie here gives me more motivation than ever.

Emma x