I have been thinking about this post for a few days now and what I want to say so I am glad to finally get it down and out my brain.
Firstly, SORRY. I have been vacant for a while. Not on purpose, life has just been busy and I have been suffering on and off with bad head aches, tiredness all as a result of being back on good old metformin. I dont know if its playing with my sugar levels or what, but every few weeks I get raging headaches where my head just feels tight. Its so weird. And no, I haven’t been back to the GP.
Second to that, my anxiety has started to reappear, not continuously but just every so often. I noticed it when we were cleaning the guttering, of all things, my heart was just racing and even made Matt check my heartbeat to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.
Now I am laid in bed writing the first edit as I cant sleep, but I cant sleep because I think my body is displaying anxiety in a different way to what I am used to. It feels like there are a million tiny people running all over my chest and down my arms, like they are making my blood run faster and my lungs work harder. Its a really strange sensation, almost like its making me too alert to sleep.
So for anyone that has anxiety people will say to you what are you worried about, whats stressing you out. I know because I am guilty of doing that to others. But 99.9% of the time that person cant tell you because they wont know themselves. Right now, I dont what is going on and yet I still try to rationalize it to something. In reality its just my bodies way of dealing with things that I close off and try to forget about.
So, I have gone a little bit off topic. When I planned this post it was meant to be about PCOS not anxiety. However. My gynecologist did say that anxiety comes hand in hand with PCOS and its not surprising given all the visible signs we have to combat. So I know this is part of my condition and I know this is mild and no where near as bad as what it could be.
Lets spend some time talking about metformin. I have taken this drung twice now within the past year and both times had different but similar side effects & both times I haven’t believed it to be working. Which when your feeling rubbish is a really hard pill to swallow (pardon the pun!). So what is happening this time round? Lack of appetite – that is a big one (and a horrible one!), headaches – bad ones – to the point where I feel my skull is putting pressure on my braid. That then leads to tiredness, when I have headaches like that I just want to lay and not do anything.
The worst thing about all of this is that I know that I still need to persevere. YES, the hair is still there, the hormones and just everything is the same. My body is changing, whether its the gym or the little weight loss I have made, I’m not sure but I feel a bit happier in my body – although I dont think I will ever be “normal”, whatever that is!
Sorry this isn’t a fantastic post….but wanted all my fellow PCOS fighters to know that I am still here on this journey….